2006…Murderous Heartache

The sweet nauseating smell of pain resonates through me,
clutching at my chest,
throbbing like a tremor that rudely awakens an innocent sleepy town
Into turmoil and deafening chaos,
not realizing that the worst is yet to befall them…

I plaster mask after mask,
hiding from truth and reality
they scorn me like heavily made up geishas
boasting and prancing in front of me
laughing at my stupidity…

Why was I blind then? And Why can’t I be blind now?
Craving to shelter my eyes and be dumb
To numb the pain
And mute the screaming from within the four walls of my mind…

Aurora crucified on a cross and set to burn,
Without a second glance,
Her prince looks the other way.
The deception of men curdles my heart
No longer choosing to seek refuge in them…

Like a mad hatter I am alone and lost and dazed,
in Alice’s wonderland.
Or should I say My Wonderland?
Struggling and stumbling towards the winding path
That leads to my supposed destiny
But finding myself walking in circles
Back from where I started
Bumping clumsily into the lunacy and senile ways of this world…

I flinch as regret steps on my toes,
Reduced to fill the empty hole in my heart,
With everything and anything I can grasp onto,
The shackles of despair threaten to drag me under,
Desperately finding a way to keep my head above water
To prevent myself from drowning in endless misery…

(source: http://www.lukechueh.com/)

Currently listening to Dirge for November
Blackwater Park
By Opeth

In My Darkness… 2000

The water laps around my shoulders,
As i drift further and further away…
The tiny minnows feel like soft feathers,
As they dart away into the darkness of the coral.
It is so quiet I can hear myself breathe,
As the sound echoes into the distance to some unknown place.
My feet feel like lead as I tread water,
Not knowing where I am going.
My head is just above the water,
As I am breathless with my effort to stay up.
I grasp to all sides looking for something to hold on to,
Pain shoots through my fingers,
As I hold onto the rough stubble suface of the razor like barnacles.
I feel the extra warmth of blood trickle down my fingers,
And suck them to taste the bitter-salty mixture of seawater and blood.
The drip-drip of stalactites echo through the cave,
Like the ticking of a clock.
Time ticking away from me,
As I hold on to dear life…
I wonder who will come for me in a place like this?
Who will be my knight in shining armor?
After all, knights can’t swim…….Can they?

 

Currently listening to
Deadwing
By Porcupine Tree

Lucid Castles & Jaded Dreams – August 15th 2002

A jaded dream looks out the dust streaked windows,
With flaccid eyes, wilting with despair.
Fingerprints left on the grimy sun bleached walls,
like crumpled and forgotten black and white photographs.
Time that’s neither lost nor gained.
Cobwebs take over the ceilings where emblazoned chandeliers once hung,
Which now lie shattered on the rotting tiles.
Useless and untouched,
Like abandoned harlot’s children.
Ravaged dreams that are never accomplished.
The open window in the attic,
takes out the depressing stench of a jaded ancient dream,
And carries in another sad song…
The tall grass grows like a wild untamed child from the cracks in the floor.
And the leaking tap in the mildewed bathroom drips out a sickening steady rhythm.
Like a war drum beating out a death sentence…
Wallowing on the empty feeling of defeat,
Like fallen warriors dying slow agonizing deaths.
Their thick blood like melting dark chocolate,
Bittersweet and escaping their mangled bodies,
Depriving them of their very existence.
All dreams are cursed with an endless sea of hope,
But no accurate fulfillment.
This lucid castle full of sorrow and regret,
is not only mine… But every soul’s.
For this is where all dreams come to die…

Currently listening to Baby Dream In Cellophane
Stupid Dream
By Porcupine Tree