yaba daba doo

Today I decided to go in early to work and volunteer some hours for the nursing home i work for. With Halloween coming up, they like to send halloween trick or treat baskets filled with candy to the doctors affiliated with the nursing home. It’s also filled with the nursing home’s pamphlets, notepads and other accessories that help get the word out. The baskets were so much fun  to make. I wish I had a camera to take a picture..Don’t think my office would be too happy bout it if they caught me doing it. donno if that’s against corporate policy and dad’s really possessive bout his cam. oh well… hmm.. but i did meet a cool dude. he was way senior to me..like in his 50′s or 60′s but very friendly and down to earth.and happy go lucky… he was very interesting. in a short span of chatting with him i learned that he taught music. he played violin and piano. he knew that Bombay was now Mumbai and he could whistle theme tune to the Flintstones cartoon. He was very knowledgeable about Indian music. He had a folk violin from India. He knew quite a bit bout the tabla, the sitar, and many classical Indian artists. He told me he teaches a class called World music in which he introduces his students to music from Africa, India and other parts of the world. He said he mainly focuses on Indian music. It’s so refreshing to meet people who are so happy and good natured. I hope to bump into him again soon and also meet more people like him. The ironic interesting thing was.. He was whistling the theme song to the Flintstones as I mentioned before. And when I was finally done volunteering and ready to start my regular shift I signed into my computer as usual and went on to the Internet only to see Google’s main page with a Flintstone theme since it was their 50th anniversary!!! how ironic is that!!

It was a good day to say the least.. I honestly feel weird but happy bout the fact that the days seem to be going by faster now. I really can’t believe we’re going to be at Friday tomorrow. This is a good thing considering I’m waiting for december to come around so I can finally know the status of my visa. When he gets that visa I’ll be having a huge celebration.. Anywho, it’s late so better hit bed.. this light is turned off..

“C” Is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference HERE)

I’ve randomly spoken about my love for TOOL over the past year or so.. I’ve still not quite grasped it.. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming I have to keep my distance from it and then come back to it. somewhat how an artist may work on a painting. Tool it’s one of those things that you never have full understanding of. Anyone can interpret it in their own way. People have varying degrees of understanding but there is nothing complete when it comes to TOOL. Take the song “The Patient” for example. Gojira explains most of the deeper meanings of songs to me. It’s so complex according to me that I need him to break it down for me…  He was explaining how that song is about vampires sucking the life from you. Some say it is a metaphor for the music industry and how they suck the life out of him. All this time I thought it was about a patient in a hospital being needled,poked tested and prodded.. sick of it all but has no choice but to be right there in the hospital day in and day out giving blood and hoping they will make him well. I really thought this is what he told me. Years ago while we were sitting and listening to the song and he was explaining the meaning I got this from what he explained to me. I don’t know how I didn’t catch the vampire part.. but that makes so much sense too.  There are no words for Maynard’s creations. You will never find anything like it. No genre, no band that will move you the way this does.

Gojira told me a couple days back about a new Puscifer album. Puscifer is Maynard’s side project besides TOOL and A Perfect Circle.  The last album of theirs that I listened to was “V is For Vagina” and I really took that album in but not as much as I’m digging their latest album. Their newest album is called “C” Is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference HERE) I can’t stop listening to Potions (Deliverance Mix), Polar Bear and The Mission “M is for Milla Mix.” This whole album is so astounding cuz his voice sounds so pretty and hypnotic.. That’s what I fell in love with basically when I was introduced to Tool.. the way he croons is like he’s putting a baby to sleep and yet what he croons for and sings about is the most blunt reality of life and the way people choose to act. It’s like nursing a baby with sour milk. Saying I love you but this is what life is. Rather than you being shocked with finding out about it later, I’m going to spoon feed it to you now so you know how it is when you go out into the big bad world on your own. Most parents and people work the exact opposite if you think about it. They want to hold on to their children’s innocence just a little while longer. They mean well but they could be in fact hindering them by doing so.  The manner in which he’s sung this album “C” Is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference HERE) reminds me of Porcupine Tree. The lead singer of Porcupine Tree sings in the same way… Especially the song Potions (Deliverance mix) His sorrow pulls the tears out of my eyes. I kid you not.  Just check out the lyrics of Potions

Someone sang your name today
and a stranger saw me crumble
Hold my broken heart and shell away
begging “bury me beside you”

The devil popped around today
selling promises and potions
that could take our memory away
help forget I’d ever met you

Tell me… can you please take away the misery?
Give me a baker’s dozen please,
wrap me up to go away

But I want to
I need to
forget you
Don’t want to, but I need to let you go

The devil bent my ear today
about his magical elixer
That would make the sorrow go away,
help me forget I’d ever met you

Give me
a baker’s dozen please,
wrap me up to go away

I want to
I need to
forget you
Don’t want to, but I need to let you go…

I think from reading this you can understand that he’s in the sort of pain where he wishes he could just forget the memories of a special love once had. Being in these shoes before I couldn’t help but understand exactly what it means to crumble when he talks about succumbing to the pain of trying to forget someone. When his voice elevates and his pain resonates at “But I want to…I need to forget you…Don’t want to, but I need to let you go….” I can’t help myself but cry my tears.. my hurt.. of being in that situation when I hear him sing this part. It’s such a humbling feeling when your OK and have dealt with the past and a song can put you back there all over again. And I’m not saying it’s a bad thing either. It’s a good reminder to be humbled it will make sure I never put myself in the same situation again. Once bitten twice shy anyone?

Polar Bear is another song I’m stuck on.. Even though this is not a Tool song I can’t help but compare it to “Right In Two” Maynard dissects the truth of the matter in the same way for this song. With “Right In Two” he expresses how humans since the dawn of time have destructed and fought rather than live in harmony and peace. In Polar Bear though I’m not positive (can you be positive when you interpret any of Maynard’s songs?)  is about global warming and how it has endangered polar bears. Here are the lyrics…

I see you chippin’ away again
Your own icicle island
Howling alone, the lies and the bone
Hoping to fade and disappear into the white
A polar bear

A moat of icy water
No end in sight save your own
I know that look of fear, I’m well-aware
No need to brave it all alone
I’ll be there

I see you chippin’ away again
Your own icicle island
I know that look of fear, I’m well-aware
No need to brave it all alone
I’ll be there

Hoping to fade and disappear into the white
A polar…

Due to the global warming the polar ice caps in the arctic regions are melting forcing polar bears to swim longer distances to get to their breeding grounds. Polar bears cannot swim for very long distances which can cause them to become hypothermic and die or drown because there are no ice caps en route to rest on. Many polar bears get lost too… It is also bluntly apparent that he is ridiculing the people who believe that God will come up with a magical solution saving us from the trouble that we have got ourselves into. Pollute the only habitat we live on and then cry that our resources are running out.  we can be funny sometimes. it cracks me up.. It’s a shame what state we’ve put this planet in. And we’re all to blame… sigh… trying to fix a problem only when we can see radical changes in the environment and by then it’s basically too late.

I haven’t had a chance to check out the meaning of The Mission but I was shocked to find out Milla Jovovich is singing with Maynard. And not only has she sung in it, in my opinion she’s done an impressive track with him.  It’s so hot and sexy and you’d never believe what a good singer she is until you listen to this.. You must check it out…

Anywho…  felt good listening to some of Maynard’s new stuff.. I better go to bed now.. long day tomorrow.. let me know if any of you have already listened to any of this or if you liked it after listening to it for the first time. He’s seriously one of a kind. I’d pay through my nose to get a glimpse of what goes on in his head… it must seriously be something else. this light is turned off…

Currently listening to
Cuntry Boner
By Puscifer

hearing damage…

I can’t get enough of this song Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke. I can’t understand why it does something to me. I feel so moved and so taken up by this song. It rips out every emotion that I take so much time to bury within me and pulls it all out of me.. I feel so vulnerable about my emotions because I’m so sensitive and people have had the opportunity to take advantage of that in the past…so I take so much effort to hide it. Sometimes its the emotional baggage that I’ve taken years to bury… sometimes its just the daily strain I feel weighing down on me.. but it just takes it all out whatever it is that’s pent up within me..like some sort of detoxification. Depending on the mood I am in it chokes me up when I feel raw and I’m not ready to feel so exposed. Other times I just submit to the overpowering emotion and it evokes tears from the relief of feeling the stress being stripped away from me as I get into the song.. It makes me feel lighter as I am turned inside out.

There’s a lot of music that I listen to but I feel like this is on another plane. Obviously not even close to Tool. I don’t think nothing will ever come close to Tool. It’s one of those gifts that people don’t know that exists in the world. They think its just music. Another band, another record.  It’s right there in front of them but you have to be open to let it embrace you or you will just pass it by without even knowing how life changing it could have been for you. Tool is so immense that that I am sometimes intimidated to even listen to it. I have to prepare my body and mind to be able to listen to it and take it in. Like meditation. I have not even nicked the glacier when it comes to Tool but I still feel like I am such a different person because of it. I can’t even imagine how much more there is to know and the experience of embracing all of it completely. I am grateful to Gojira for introducing me to Tool. I wonder what kind of life I’d be living if I never came across it. If nothing ever happens to us I’ll be thankful that he at least was able to open my eyes and ears and give me the gift of Tool.

Note: Just now as I was looking on Amazon to see if Thom Yorke had his own album with Hearing Damage on it, I read that he is the lead singer of Radiohead. It’s so fucking mind blowing how this is all connected. Radiohead is another one of my favorites that I’ve recently gotten into after it was suggested to me by a number of people (including gojira). I put Radiohead at par with Porcupine Tree. They both have emotion evoking songs… Insane Insane Insane….

Have you ever listened to music that has been life altering for you? This light is turned off…

Currently listening to Hearing Damage- Thom Yorke
New Moon Soundtrack: Deluxe Edition (CD & DVD)

My Latest Epiphany I’m Trying To Grasp…

You adjust to things that come into your life, good or bad…. and when they leave, you learn to continue living your life as if you never had it… Don’t go away empty handed. Learn from your experiences and your mistakes. Never depend on anyone else for anything whether it be happiness, love, money, confidence, success… gain these fruits for yourself, from within you. Do not expect anyone else to get these things for you. Believe in yourself. trust in yourself. be yourself.. because that’s the only one person you will be able to depend on always. Be comfortable being alone… create a barricade around your soul so that nothing can tear you apart and leave you weak. If that means being a bitch then so be it. At the end of the day YOU have to harbor those emotions of hurt, pain, and frustration when you become weak and soft enough to allow someone to make you feel that way. Harden your heart… Everyone looks nice from the outside but they all have agendas in their head. Don’t fall for them. Work is not a place to make friends. Do your job and leave. The more personal attachments you have, the more complicated life gets. Love yourself first. If you decide to trust someone enough to let them into your life, they come after you. If you allow them in, don’t be surprised if they pick up and leave tomorrow. In fact expect it. So it won’t be so hard to deal with when they finally do. Music is the only weakness you can allow yourself to experience recklessly. The only thing you can be vulnerable to without getting hurt. Experience it and embrace it whole heartedly.

Note: I cannot take credit for this epiphany. I had a conversation with someone (he/she knows who he is) and through a series of questions arguments and realizations I have come to find the above written. I thank the person who has helped me discover this. I am stronger and more enlightened because of this. This light is turned off..

 

Currently listening to Right Before Your Eyes  by Hoobastank
Daredevil: OST

Music… something I found while browsing online…

Music,
Like love and lust, has roots in the soul.
You drive me mad with your A notes,
Making me wild like a staff with no lines.
Kisses placed randomly on paper as notes turn into high screams and low moans.

Love,
Like anger flows through my veins and burns me,
So does the fire produced by every key you hit.
Taking me higher into a world where there is no dissonance,
And every sound, from every voice, melts into one word:

Lust,
Dances to the sound produced as sweat drips tenderly off your skin.
Hands roaming gently; our hearts the bass, beat, and background.
Hit that note for me, touch me where everything makes sense and I become the star in your opera show. Make me the soprano you know I am while my Soul,
Is Infatuated and drowning in your…

Music.

Currently listening to
Through the Eyes
By Flaw

As of right now, what song relates to your life and why?

I chose this song I think because of the terrorism that has been marring our world a lot more frequently.  The Mumbai terrorist attacks are still fresh in my brain and I just can’t help but think that people are just being so stupid about fighting with each other. This song is about how mankind, since the beginning of time, have always been impulsive about having more power when it comes to anything. Fighting for land, eager to fight with one another….That need to have power leads to fighting and hurting one another instead of co existing. I think we all need to take a step back and embrace one another instead of fighting with each other. Sure you’re probably thinking. “well I’m not a terrorist. i can’t make a difference to all the fighting between religious sects and countries” But even in small ways we each can make a difference. Like, not judging each other unecessarily, holding the door for that stranger behind you while walking into a building, refraining from shouting abuses if someone gets in your way. Even if you feel it’s necessary to say something to a person who’s wronged you, the same point can be made in a polite calm manner. Mind YOUR OWN BUSINESS. People I think its a weakness of everyone’s to get nosy and look at what others are doing. We need to stop doing that. Once people see what others are doing, they get jealous, they start competing and that’s when the hatred starts. (I have a bigger house than you, I have more cars than you, I get a better salary than you) These are petty things not worth competing/fighting/ for.. You should be more interested in attaining your own happiness in whatever way you feel is correct or right or good without wondering what everyone else has. Taking the time to know your neighbours whoever they may be, and most importantly, respecting other people’s beliefs no matter how different they may be from your own beliefs. This will in it’s own small way help with the global fight against terrorism and help us all co exist.

“Right In Two”

Angels on the sideline,

Puzzled and amused.

Why did Father give these humans free will?

Now they’re all confused.

Don’t these talking monkeys know that

Eden has enough to go around?

Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,

Where there’s one you’re bound to divide it.

Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,

Baffled and confused.

Father blessed them all with reason.

And this is what they choose.

And this is what they choose…

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey

Over pieces of the ground.

Silly monkeys give them thumbs,

They forge a blade,

And where there’s one

they’re bound to divide it,

Right in two.

Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.

Over pieces of the ground.

Silly monkeys give them thumbs.

They make a club.

And beat their brother, down.

How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two [x4]

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky

Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,

overhead and light

Fight over love, over sun,

over another, Fight…

Angels on the sideline again.

Benched along with patience and reason.

Angels on the sideline again

Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two [x3]

RIGHT IN TWO!

Right in two…

 

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Currently reading
How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls
By Donna Dale Carnegie