Today is only Tuesday and I’m feeling so much better from the weekend. Yeah the weekend for the most part was horrifying for me because dad and I butted heads again. So besides carving my Halloween pumpkin it was not a pretty experience.. But things are better and I truly do believe that by praying they have gotten better. I try not to let a day end without reciting at least 4 Our Father’s, 4 Hail Mary’s and 4 Glory Be’s, along with the Storm Novena the Novena To Our Lady Of Perpetual Help and The Memorare. It sounds like a lot but it takes just about 15 minutes of my day. I feel like our house has had a storm cloud over it with the kind of negativity and fighting and stuff that’s been happening. I admit I made it worse by losing my temper last Monday and my family and I are still recovering from that fight. But today it finally dissipated. As I was getting ready for work and came downstairs to make my lunch my dad just out of the blue in the calmest of tones apologized to me and told me that he was wrong. I honestly don’t want to get into the details of our issues but it felt good that miraculously the problem was gone. Today also my hands were itching to find out more information about the K1 visa process since waiting has made me so impatient and while I was googling I came across a statistic that said they have a 95% approval rate. You have no idea how comforting that is during this time of struggle. It’s like I’m getting these little gifts out of thin air.
Ever since that fight with my family I have learned to be more humble.I realize I’ve been complaining a lot, maybe unconsciously venting because of my frustration of waiting for Gojira to come here but I still have a lot to be grateful about. I’m taking an active approach to thinking about the positive and thinking about what I have in my life to be happy about instead of focusing on the negative. Over the last couple of months I’ve tried my best to incorporate a few of the activities and hobbies I enjoy in my spare time to keep me busy and happy. But like I read in someone’s blog recently, being on the computer eats up more time than you realize and you end up finishing very little of what you planned in your day. I’ve now created a time table for myself so that I can have enough time to paint/draw, read, and do some soul searching. Many years ago, (about 4 to 5 to be exact) I came across a random website which had topics and challenges on a daily basis and people uploaded their artwork based upon it. It had so many interesting ideas and it was very inspiring. But I lost the link and could never manage to find it again :( Today I went browsing again and I either found the website or I’ve found something really damn close and it made me so happy (see what I mean about the power of prayer? a lost website suddenly found… that’s like picking out a needle from a haystack! :D) Here is the link to it. If you click on the tab “Challenges” and select “2D Drawing Jams” you will see some pretty cool stuff. Like for example one of the topics was T-Rex vs. Cute fluffy animal and people submitted their drawings and voted for the best.
I was really impressed with the winner of that one. it’s so creative. This is what I eventually work up to. To practice coming up with cool concepts and drawing things I’m not used to. Maybe I might not win but the best part of this is that people of all levels of drawing skill comment and submit and its a really healthy positive environment to be a part of. My first step is going to be to start drawing and sketching. Maybe I’ll post some up as I get regular with it. As a part of my soul searching effort I’ve borrowed this book from the library called “101 Exercises For The Soul” by Dr. Bernie Siegel but I never take the time out to read it and do some of those exercises.
I’ve decided by scheduling it into my time table I will be able to do that and more. Let’s see how it goes. I was really looking forward to drawing out a birthday card for my Gojira but it turns out there’s more of a chance that it won’t reach him so I’m not allowed to send him anything :( that really sucks. Maybe I’ll draw it and scan it so he can view it on his birthday. I’m kind of happy that my family vacation to Tahiti is not coinciding with his birthday because then I’ll be able to chat with him and call him up on his birthday :) I know he hates celebrating it but that’s the least I can do. I will say one thing. This is the last miserable birthday he has. When he’s here with me next year we’re going to have such a blast he won’t be able to contain his happiness.. Just wait and see :) anyways here are my pumpkin carving pictures.. enjoy :) this light is turned off..
Posted in Creative Juices, Holidays & Special Events, Spiritual Journey
Tagged fight, flaming eye tool pumpkin, grateful, halloween, happiness, humble, my pumpkin, negativity, prayer, pumpkin carving, temper, tool inspired pumpkin, tool pumpkin
You adjust to things that come into your life, good or bad…. and when they leave, you learn to continue living your life as if you never had it… Don’t go away empty handed. Learn from your experiences and your mistakes. Never depend on anyone else for anything whether it be happiness, love, money, confidence, success… gain these fruits for yourself, from within you. Do not expect anyone else to get these things for you. Believe in yourself. trust in yourself. be yourself.. because that’s the only one person you will be able to depend on always. Be comfortable being alone… create a barricade around your soul so that nothing can tear you apart and leave you weak. If that means being a bitch then so be it. At the end of the day YOU have to harbor those emotions of hurt, pain, and frustration when you become weak and soft enough to allow someone to make you feel that way. Harden your heart… Everyone looks nice from the outside but they all have agendas in their head. Don’t fall for them. Work is not a place to make friends. Do your job and leave. The more personal attachments you have, the more complicated life gets. Love yourself first. If you decide to trust someone enough to let them into your life, they come after you. If you allow them in, don’t be surprised if they pick up and leave tomorrow. In fact expect it. So it won’t be so hard to deal with when they finally do. Music is the only weakness you can allow yourself to experience recklessly. The only thing you can be vulnerable to without getting hurt. Experience it and embrace it whole heartedly.
Note: I cannot take credit for this epiphany. I had a conversation with someone (he/she knows who he is) and through a series of questions arguments and realizations I have come to find the above written. I thank the person who has helped me discover this. I am stronger and more enlightened because of this. This light is turned off..
Currently listening to Right Before Your Eyes by Hoobastank
Posted in Epiphanies
Tagged adjust, allow, alone, believe, bitch, comfortable, confidence, depend, embrace, emotions, epiphany, expect, experience, friends, friendship, frustration, happiness, harden your heart, hurt, learn, life, love, mistakes, music, pain, recklessly, soft, soul, success, trust, weak, weakness, whole heartedly, yourself
So this weekend I went with some friends to Shirdi. Shirdi is a place which is the hometown of a saint known as Sai Baba who is basically known for his miracles. check this link for more detailed info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sathya_Sai_Baba . My friends and I had made these plans earlier in the week and then with the Mumbai terrorist blast taking place later on in the week, it seemed ironically the right place to go. I am a little skeptical when it comes to believing in a person (flesh and blood) as opposed to God or a spiritual form. Yes, I’ve heard of messengers of God but I don’t think a human should be worshipping another human whether living or dead. I am not a follower of Sai Baba but visiting this place was an experience to remember and I took away something valuable from this holy experience. People say that whatever you ask of him comes true. I asked for peace and for terrorism to stop. I also asked for all my family and friends to be happy and healthy and safe. It was four to five hours away from P and it is crowded year round. We took a tavera car and went with my friend’s family since they were keen on visiting Shirdi. I was going for the first time so I had no idea what to expect. My friend’s family didnt know that their daughter smoked so we kept on hiding and smoking whenever we got a chance to get out of the car. I’ve been meaning to quit for quite a while, and I don’t smoke much maybe one or two a day and I am going to quit completely very very soon. but it was funny trying to hide it from her parents, finding the silliest of excuses to get away from the group and to smoke somewhere in peace.When we finally reached Shirdi we kept our shoes in the car and bought the pooja stuff like the garland, prasad, holy cloth, coconut and much more. I found it annoying that I had to watch where I stepped on the road since all the drivers passing by spit on the road. I think drivers are dumb to be spitting right in front of the Sai Baba mandir. argh… anywho little did I know what a painful wait this would be to get in. I waited for 2 and a half hours to get inside the mandir!!!!! We went through 3 floors of zig zag waiting lines full of snotty nosed crying kids, pushing bossy old ladies, smelly sweaty old men, leching teenagers and all this when it was a zillion degrees outside!! But with my friends it was fun because we got to talk and chat and gossip about the funny clothes some people came dressed in and so forth. My feet had become numb and painful at the same time by the end of the wait. It is said that the more painful your wait, the more your desires will be met by Sai Baba. By the time we got inside, I was dehydrated, literally in tears from the mosh pit crowds pushing me around and suffocating me. When we were finally in I said a quick prayer for peace and happiness to all that I know and those that need help and then we gave the garlands to the priest to be put on his tomb and the priest blessed the coconut and prasad with Sai Baba’s grace and gave it back to us. The courtyard we stepped out into after leaving the main Sai Baba temple was refreshingly peaceful and beautiful. As soon as I stepped out I felt a calm come over me. It was my favorite part of the temple. All low built structures black stone structures with smaller temples of his devoted disciples. I sat and watched the crowds pass by. When we got into the main temple we had gotten seperated from our friends so I watched and waited till I found them again. We then went to the Sai Baba museum where we got to see his photographs and articles that he used while he was alive. I found that interesting. I love gazing at artifacts and going to museums. After finishing the temple, there was an outer temple, in which there is a flame which is said to be lit by Sai Baba and has never gone out. It is still lit to this day. From there my friend’s parents wanted to do some shopping for Sai Baba statues and bracelets and books. We were all SOOOOOO tired by the end of the temple journey that we all were getting so aggravated with them taking their time shopping. So after they finished we managed to track down the driver get in the car and go find a restaurant to eat at. Everyone told me not to put my socks and shoes on, but my feet were so sore I didnt care and put my shoes and socks on anyways. It was pure bliss to feel my nice comfy socks on my feet after walking on bare rough ground all day! Everyone was prepared to eat vegetarian food because in Shirdi you apparently dont get non-veg food since it is not considered holy. But we ended up going to this restaurant on the outskirts of Shirdi to find that they DID serve non veg!! So being crazily starved as we were, we pigged out on rotis and chicken handi and yellow dal and rice. It was amazzzzing. Food never tasted so good. Then we got in the car and drove home. It took us a lot longer to get home because by then it was dark and with all the hot chais we had along the way we needed to stop and pee a couple of times. By the time we got home it was 11:30. After dinner I had a nice hot steaming bath from head to toe. and then I watched Batman and Robin which was on tv while soaking my feet in hot water till I felt sleepy. anyways that’s what my weekend was all about. This whole week nothing much going on.
I am planning on attending the Marathon we’re having in our city to support Aids Prevention. It’s a 4.5 km run so it should be good exercise and easy as pie. Ive done 10 km marathons before so seriously it’s gonna be no sweat. Looking forward to it. Maybe this will inspire me to run regularly since there is a jogging track nearby my house and I should get in the habit of regular exercise. Let’s see.. I’m thinking of practicing and stretching my legs this evening by going for a run! OK, Wish me luck! Im going to register myself online for the marathon right now… This light is turned off.
How to Have Great Relationships (High-vibrational Thinking)
By Steve Wharton
Posted in Daily Life
Tagged aids preventions, bless, exercise, garland, happiness, holy, mandir, marathon, peace, pray, puja, running, sai baba, shirdi