Happy Birthday Gojira <3 <3

Happy Birthday to my one and only Gojira. Cheers to you on your special day and to the last birthday we ever spend apart.. Cheers to many, many, many, many more happy birthdays ahead. Love you.. :) <3 <3

Love is everywhere. – Collab by `Nonnetta on deviantART

Gojira’s birthday around the corner..

So Gojira’s birthday is coming up.. I’m so excited and I know it’s never a day he looks forward to but I cant resist the urge to try and make it special and celebrate it in the best way I know how. First I was thinking a Tool tshirt or some sort of Tool clothing. Here are some of my favorite Tool tshirt prints:

(damn this dress is hot, i want)

But then I thought there will always be Tool tshirts. It’s the limited edition Tool merchandise that I need to focus on, which later maybe 10 years down the line will be rare to find. A while back I had seen these Revolver magazines that were featuring Tool on their cover and I was planning on getting them and then suddenly after searching for them I couldn’t find them. I completely freaked out. I googled and googled and it seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Internet. I began thinking maybe they had sold all their copies and they had removed that magazine for sale. The fact that I couldn’t remember which magazine cover they were featured on made the search all the more difficult. But somehow I finally found it again and they were indeed still there.. and may I add, waiting to be bought by some diehard Tool fan :P So I didn’t lose my chance and got them for his birthday. I ordered it and they will be coming by the end of this week :D I’m so happy and excited. There are 2 different Tool covers and so I ordered both. Here are some awesome sneak previews of the magazine they were featured on:

Isn’t it hawt.. <3 Can’t wait till it comes in the mail so I can take play-by-play pictures of opening the package and the magazine itself. if the magazine is sealed in plastic I might just leave it for Gojira to open when he comes here..  But obviously this is not enough to make it speshul…:P I want to pamper him and make him happy.. If he was here I would have baked him a Tool inspired birthday cake… This girl did one which I found while browsing but I think I could do a way better job.. I will try next year hopefully :) If you’re interesting in following this tutorial to make your own Tool cake you can do so here.

This is the interesting thing about fate.. I had no idea what the 2nd gift I was getting Gojira for his birthday. Day before yesterday I was looking for a Tool logo on Google Images and it showed a pendant of one of the Tool eyes. I almost jumped out of my skin in excitement. It is so hot and so damn classy. And its the same eye he has tattoed on his arm.. I put my order in for it today :D and its got the signature of Alex Grey impressed on the back.

When I clicked on the image of the pendant it led me to this cool website selling a bunch of Alex Grey and Tool merchandise. I so badly wanted to get him the Vicarious DVD signed by Alex Grey himself but it turns out his brother already got him that same DVD last month.

I like Alex Grey’s work. But I get shivers down my spine from the rush of looking at Cam De Leon’s artwork. Alex Grey, Cam De Leon and Peter Westermann are my ultimate favorite artists of all time. These are few of my favorite pieces…When I get settled down I will adorn the walls of my home with their artwork.. I can so envision it..

alex grey's

alex grey's

alex grey's

alex grey's

alex grey's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

cam de leon's

peter westermann's

peter westermann's

peter westermann's

peter westermann's

peter westermann's

peter westermann's

Speaking of Tool, since when did a department stores like JCPenney start selling unconventional items like a Tool shirt? It shocked the daylights out of me yesterday when I saw this.. weird..  You have to see this to believe it…

anyways its a good deal too good to pass up so I’m going to call the nearest one to my house and ask them if they have any available. Wish me luck that they have them in stock..!!  This light is turned off…

Spirituality is a necessary component for basic survival

This month though it’s not even over feels like a whirlwind in terms of the ups and downs I’ve been going through. I feel like i’ve been worn down to the bone with the stress of waiting and wondering whether gojira’s visa will get approved. I’ve been through so much these last 5 years and I just want him to get here so we can get married and start a happy life together. I have no doubt in my mind that I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with him but its hard dealing with all this with him so far away. I feel like I can deal with all the hardships and troubles that life will throw at me but its unbearable when I am here and he is there.  I think I’ve been suffering a lot more because im spiritually lost. I’ve been brought up as a Hindu but it has not given me what I need. I’ve waited for 27 years of finding a sign of faith of reassurance and I’m still waiting. I think though my parents have taught me a lot of good values and morals they have been too lax when it comes to religion. They pick it up and drift off whenever it suits them and I think in this manner I have lost out. Gojira and I have talked extensively about religion and have decided its best that I convert to Christianity which is his faith. Not only to keep his parents happy and so I can be by his side when he goes to church but the fact that our children should not feel confused and write it off as something frivolous and unimportant. I’ll admit initially I had it in mind to convert for namesake and not wholeheartedly embrace the Catholic faith because it was the only way his parents would accept me and I would be able to have a church ceremony. I didn’t think I would be interested in following it. I didn’t even second glance at it. Maybe it was the fact that I’ve been brought up with the stories of how they try to convert you and save you and all the things my parents have fed me. I’m not denying those things but I think I didn’t give it a real chance because I was only looking at it from one side… one perspective.. someone else’s opinion. I think it’s time I develop my own opinion based upon my experience with Catholicism. Right now being so broken down, I am so raw, so ready and so open for something that will pick up and help me face these rough days. I want to be a part of something grounding and powerful.

I have been following the recent story of the rescued Chile miners who have been trapped a 1/2 mile underneath the ground for 69 days. From the updates I’ve been getting from news sources like CNN they say its very rare for people to survive this long in such dire conditions. It’s being speculated that these miners had more chances of surviving because of the fact that Chile’s population is so strongly immersed in the Catholic faith. The fact that religion was such a big deal for them probably helped them cope with their situation as opposed to giving up hope and losing faith that they would be rescued soon.  It just goes to say we were always brought up with the idea that our basic survival depended on things such as shelter, air, water and food. But these are no longer the only things we can survive on. Spirituality plays a big part in our basic survival. we need religion to ground us. to give us faith. and the will to live no matter what struggles we face.

Gojira is slowly and steadily introducing me to the Catholic faith and I’m really enjoying it so far. I never thought I could enjoy a religion. but I am. I’ll admit sometimes it’s difficult to understand but asking him questions and reading up the history is helping me to begin grasping the concept of Catholicism. He made me a pdf of Novenas which are supposed to read when praying. I printed those out at the beginning of this week so i can recite them everyday. I began praying in the evenings by saying Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be but since today I started reciting them in the morning as well. Since it’s a Wednesday I’ll begin saying the rest of the prayers outlined.  As a part of the prayers I’ve learned it’s also important to share them as per the explanations so I’ve decided I’ll be posting some of the Novenas on here as and when I do them. Maybe this will help someone else out there like me.  The Novena prayers I am doing are devoted to the Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I find this so intriguing because when I took a class for Art History 101 at UB way back in 2006 I learned about the famous painting derived from the Byzantine Empire. This is my favorite depiction of that painting. There was a similar picture of this painting on the pdf that Gojira made for me.

It’s breathtaking. Art in its purest form.  I’m thinking of introducing a spiritual category to my blog so I can share more of my experience of being introduced to the Catholic faith.

the prettiest thing he said to me the other day..

maybe for most people this wouldn’t seem like such a big deal or anything out of the ordinary, but this meant a lot to me. I can’t think of a better way for the man i love to say those 3 words without actually saying those 3 words.. just took my breath away… <3

Gojira: I’m alone.
I’m lonely.
I like being that way…
Me:  k.
Gojira: And u compliment that nature of mine.
I know u wont get bored of me…

light as a feather, stiff as a board…

gosh i never felt like writing so badly.. getting out all this excitement from my system..8 more days till my gojiraaaaa RAWRRRRRR is here!! I just can’t believe it. I’m in such a good place right now. I FEEL SO LIGHT..

I just cant believe my stars and that I’m going to meet my gojira in 8 days.. Been trying to keep busy and finish all the things on my to do list while I’m waiting for the days to pass by.. Since i been so lazy bout exercising at home my niece convinced me to buy a month’s pass at the swimming pool in their society. I used to live in that society once upon a time so my scooter license is proof that I’m a resident even though im not anymore. so for Rs. 500 I took out a month’s pass and I’m loving it so far. It’s such good exercise. I love to swim. There is nothing more refreshing than jumping in that pool when Ive been torturing in the heat of the summer all day. I do a couple laps and then chatter in between with my niece and my cousin if she comes along. It’s actually nice to have human contact with someone I can be myself with and know that I can trust them because they’re family after all. SOMEONE I CAN FAFF AROUND WITH.. FAFF, FAFF FAFF. that is the new word in my dictionary. lol. My neice I otherwise don’t get to spend time with or see since she’s so busy with her golf (she plays professionally) so usually she’s always out of town on some tournament or the other. Swimming becomes a great opportunity to fill in each other on our lives.

(This is an actual picture I found on google images of the swimming pool I swim at. Though the water is not as low as it is in this picture!)

The first day I went for swimming I thought I would wear my bikini that I bought last year in march when I had visited California. I had decided I wanted a California bikini and wore that for the first time. This is my bikini. I just love the colors on it. I’m not usually a brown person but the turquoise and brown just look so awesome and of course the beaded turquoise belt looks too cute… I’m sorry I’m just going on and on I know it’s just that this is my first bikini I’ve had since 1st grade and I’m really proud of owning one again. lol.

But wearing my bikini at the swimming pool? Boy was that a big mistake. To all the bikini wearers out there. Warning: don’t wear a bikini at the swimming pool. wear it at a beach. Bikinis are not meant for swimming laps. I felt like I was going to expose every time I tried to swim freestyle. It was horrible. lol. My niece kept laughing at me because she experiences the same thing every time she swims in her bikini. So i swam breast stroke the whole time and  vowed that I would wear my one piece next time I came for swimming. lol. I found it ironic that I was stuck with swimming the “breast stroke” lol.

Saturday night my niece wants me to come over and watch a movie since my cousin and her husband will be out of the house for dinner so im gonna go spend the night there. Right now I need distractions and to do stuff because I’m so jittery an anxious and excited allllll the time. i feel lighter as the days go by and i get so happy to use my black pen and scribble off one more thing off my list of things to do.

So far,  I have finished buying the the plastic chairs (Rs.300 each not a bad deal)  which were bought yesterday and delivered today. I found a plumber who also did electric work so I got him to fix my toilet that wouldn’t stop flushing and also got him to switch the hall fan into the bedroom, and the bedroom fan into the hall. The fan that was in the bedroom made so much noise that it would keep me awake at night and right now I don’t have my mosquito net up so the fan is the only thing that will keep the mosquitos away. So it was a pick your torture scenario until I finally got it fixed. Then yesterday I was so lucky, I happened to go into this home store which is right across the street looking for a bathrobe because gojira wants one and i didnt find the bathrobe in nice colors they were all girly but this store had baking stuff which I had initially planned to go to camp for. Finding the baking stuff at this store saved me the 1+ hr trip of going and coming to the middle of the city to get this stuff. I wanted a bread pan, square brownie pan, a circle cake pan, and cookie cutters. Well I actually had not planned on the cookie cutters but thought they were so cute I picked them up even though they weren’t on the list.
the bread pan (rectangle)

brownie pan

cake pan

cookie cutters <3

It was one of those stores where they had all this cool stuff from China and Korea that you normally don’t get in India. barbecue marinade brushes, tongs, all sorts of kitchen knick knacks and gadgets. it was amazing. I have a love hate thing with stores like this because I love looking at all the stuff but then I either spend a bomb or force myself to just window shop.. which can be extremely disappointing sometimes because I want something sooo badly. lol. (I picked up barbecue tongs for gojira too… shhhhh)

I basically wanted all these baking things for my new otg (oven toaster grill). I don’t know bout you but for me buying my otg is as exciting for me as an 18 yr old with a brand new car. Ive just been wanting to bake for so long and I finally have one. I don’t think I’ve put pics of my new oven up yet. If i have i’m sorry but here are the pics of my new Morphy Richards oven.. I wanted the 22 liter but I ended up with the 18 because they dont make the 22 anymore.

I’m so glad that when I went to the home store I listened to my instinct and didn’t pick up any of the bath robes I saw at the store because later on I found out that gojira wants a black one. I think I’m going to ask my mom to get one if she comes down in December again.  I went to the gynaecologist (was on the list I just didnt put it on xanga), I got a new gas pipe fixed, I exchanged the barbecue set for the bigger one, and yeah I think that’s it. My uncle comes back tomorrow from Mumbai and I already told him I want to get 4 poles fixed to my bed. I forgot they were removable so instead of hooks in the wall Im going to get the poles made from a carpenter once he gets back. Then when I want to watch tv I can just removed the pole that blocks my view. I had not considered the pole idea up till now because I didn’t realize they were removable. My cable bill I’m paying on the 15th so there’s still time for that, lingerie shopping im going to save for next week cuz honestly its the most frivolous of the tasks to do. Im anyways planning to get all my work finished by the 15th, so I’ll have 5 days to sit around and do nothing so I guess I can do it then.. Bike servicing I’ll also do on one of the days when I’m really bored. So yeah I’m pretty much done besides a few minor tasks. I’m really proud of myself. I don’t care how stupid I sound but I am. I don’t think Ive ever worked this hard to make things so perfectly planned out for someone else.

A couple days back we were chatting and he revealed to me something he had done. i can’t say what because I don’t think he would like it if I told his secret even if this is anonymous, but all i can say was… it made me very sad. I was relieved though that he could trust me with his secret and share his grief with me. I think we moved up a level in our relationship from the talk and discussion we had and I really felt cared and loved. Everything is clicking into place.. I’m going to cross  my fingers and hope the outcome of this relationship is exactly how I want it to be..

Today I was browsing around Deviant Art and came across a piece of art that someone had done of my dear Johnny (The Depster, aka Johnny Depp =P) But I was so amazed because gojira looks so much like him in this picture.. If my gojira and Johnny were to merge into one this is what he would look like.

I kid you not theyve got like the same squinty eyes, the same smirk, the same glossy long tresses. black glasses. its fucking weird to be honest.  =| Only thing is my gojira is chocolate brown <3 lol…

I’d also like to extend an apology to all of my Xanga friends who I’ve been so horrible about commenting and doing justice to your blogs as you always do to mine. Ive been juggling all these errands and finishing up my quota of work so that I can be free as a bird that I really have had no time for xanga. I will come around soon.. even if it takes me time you know I always pay a visit =) Also for the month and a half while gojira is here I honestly dont expect to be online at all =| i know I will be cut off from xanga. But I plan to keep a lil paper diary so I can recall it all and xanga it later on.. So yes, that’s all for now… this light is turned off..

Currently listening to
Tool: Vicarious

30 day count down…

I can’t believe I’m already at the 30 day count down.. Waiting for a whole year for my gojira to come visit. I can’t believe it.  It didn’t seem so hard to wait when it was last year.. but now that it’s soo nearby it seems like its moving at a snail pace and I’ve just absolutely lost my patience. Im so fidgety and restless and no matter how much work I get done on the house it doesn’t seem like enough… I’m making up the most bizarre chores for myself so that every single thing is exactly in place. if you know me im kind of lazy and not too messy but I’m not OCD either. But now I’m acting all OCD.. like cleaning out the fridge, and scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom tiles and just coming up with the weirdest things to keep myself busy. I’m kind of secretly relieved we have cancelled the idea of a threesome because I don’t think I want to share him. lol.. even if it is a one time thing and we both agree on it.. I just don’t want to create room for someone else to take up our alone time. I wanted to write more but I’m just so tired I’m nodding off to sleep as I type. I will write more later.

I feel bad cuz I devirginized my new oven last weekend by having a pizza dinner with my family and I should have taken pics but I forgot. I’m going to remind gojira that I want prep and cooking pics of our bbq plans when he comes here so I can put those up here.. We have decided that we’re going to make tandoori chicken the first night on the bbq when he comes here. (yes we even have food planned down to the T. Hes planning on bringing beef bacon, pork chops, A1 steaks, sausages and a lot of other stuff all the way from K. He’s gonna land in Bombay after a 2 hr flight, freeze the meat and then carry it with him when he travels to P and then we grill grill grillllll and bbq bbq bbq bqqq.. haha… I never had beef bacon so I told him to bring some and the other stuff is all about pampering me… and having a great bbq time cuz the beef u get in India is not as nice.. or tasty.. we like to call it fake beef.. he’s bringing real beef.. from animals that have been bred to give us juicy yummy steaks… sounds so bad but its true.. =S

Anyways I don’t like having naked posts (i.e. without pics or images of some sort so I have placed someone else’s homemade pizza pic just for thrills since I forgot to take pics when I made mine…) The pizzas turned out great and I was relieved to know that the oven I bought is functioning as it should. My uncle kept telling me I should open up a pizza and pasta parlor. lol.. my niece was all for the idea. She was helping me bake the pizzas. I wish I had taken a picture. It was so much fun. My nephew was completely excited cuz I asked him to help too. I gave him mushrooms to cut with a blunt knife (It was practically a butter knife, and mushrooms don’t need too much force anyways.) He got such a thrill that I gave him the responsibility to cut something. He did the whole thing all by himself. I just showed him the size to cut them in and he did perfect. (Mushrooms anyways shrink in to bits while cooking so I knew it wouldn’t really make a difference if he cut them in odd shapes but he impressed me by cutting exactly as I showed him. )Its fun  cookign and preparing as a family. For dessert I picked up this chocolate mousse cake from this local bakery which everyone always goes crazy for. Even the bakery owner recognized me and said you came for the mousse last time too didn’t you. (It was months since I last went but it was nice to be recognized for my love of chocolate!) lol.. ok enuf said im off to dream land to dream about snuggling up to my gojira.. sigh.. this light is turned off..

Currently listening to

Hero Awake
By Skillet

gojira lowes me… <3

<3 well today’s the day he said i love you and whole heartedly meant it.. for the first time… my gojira loves me…

this light is turned off..

Currently listening to Down ft. Lil Wayne
All or Nothing
By Jay Sean