I’m sitting in the car on the way to Long Beach to drop my grandmother to the airport.. her visit has been an experience of ups and downs so its a bittersweet feeling seeing her go.. im happy and sad at the same time.. happy to get my room back and know that my house will be a little dramatic with one less person to butt heads with.. and sad that i won’t have her around to spend time with.. i honestly feel bad for her.. 5 yrs ago her husband (my grandfather) passed away. i don’t know how she goes on living life without him.. she must feel so alone..
Anyways… not used to waking up so early on a Saturday but it’s oddly refreshing to sit in the car and watch the fog kissing the valleys as we cruise along the highway.. The fog has nestled into the concave of the valley like a newborn puppy feeling its way closer to the warmth of its mother’s body. in the cloudy about to rain kind of weather it makes you think of wearing warm snuggly sweaters, boots and a have a special hand to hold on to while u sit by the fireplace and brew apple cider or put tiny little marshmallows in a steaming cup of cocoa. yes my mind wanders far off while I sit in the car. It helps distract me from the idea of being confined in a small place. Music definitely helps elevate the sense of being somewhere far away from where I actually am.. With Madonna’s “Vogue” playing on the radio I can’t help but feel wowed by the number of years she’s not only sustained in the music industry but been on the top of the charts. Even the most tom boyish girl will feel the female empowerment emanating from this song.
Vogue magazine must take so much pride in this song. I can so picture them using this song for all of their events and PR related programs. I would if I owned Vogue. Madonna has been the queen of pop because of how successfully she reinvents herself each time she comes out with an album. She has used religion and culture to express herself and reveal her inner soul and journey. you can actually see her story/journey if u analyze all her albums consecutively…
turning 50, showing the world she’s still the sexy diva we all know her to be.
Moving forward… I always end up loathing the idea of spending my weekend in Long Beach. It just makes it even more obvious how self centered my family is. Everyone’s doing their own thing while they hang out together. You would think its impossible but they prove that it’s not. I feel like im there but im invisible. I think maybe a sentence or two is said in my direction and otherwise I’m just tuned out like the traffic and pollution. They think that not talking about something will make it go away. Not feeling too hot right now considering I am currently having another episode of hives. I’ve come to realize that they could be very well because of the dog hair. Because after spending half hour an hr in my sister’s aparment i started breaking out in hives. I take Claritin for my hives but as soon as I get them I start a rapid of cycle of uneasiness and and feeling horribly feverish and weak throughout the whole day. After leaving the apartment on our way to JC Penney’s my sister realized the pants she was about to return were covered in dog hair so she proceeded to dust them off in the car in spite of me asking her to wait till we reached so she could dust them outside the car. I didn’t want the dog hair to aggravate my already progressing hives but she didn’t care. She’s such a friggin bitch i tell you. When we got to JC Penney’s we went around the department store looking for jeans that fit her (haha @her thinking she could fit her piggy ass into a size 3) I’ve got a healthy build for my height and even I don’t fit into a size 3. Her husband didn’t want to be there so he decided to lie down on the floor and crawl underneath the display cases growling at my mom and sister as they sifted through the jeans. I’m appalled that my sister is okay with this kind of behavior and my mother doesn’t say a thing either. I’m definitely not going to be anywhere around when my sister wakes up one day and realizes what a dick he is. He basically walks all over them by behaving in this ridiculous way and they don’t even realize it. What a pity. I took a walk so I didn’t have to be seen with them. By this time my hives were so bad my skin felt like it was crawling in spite of the fact that I had just taken a Claritin. I guess with my allergies getting this bad I have an excuse not to step into her dirty house again and I will refrain from making visits. I’ll hang out with her when she comes down to my parent’s house for the weekend. I also should mention that we were supposed to take their clean laundry over but their clean laundry having done one cycle in the washer and dryer was still smelling dirty.. yes filthy… Their laundry was so dirty it needed to be done twice. :| that’s so gross i can’t even wrap my head around it. my nose feels violated for having smelled that. I think my allergies are bad enough without living in their filthy house. That’s part of the reason I chose to back out of the garba plan for this weekend. I didn’t want to live in their filthy house even if it’s just for the weekend. oh and her friend N who keeps hitting on me and finding every occasion to be informal and touchy feely with me.. the one she swore she would never hang out with again was apparently invited for Garba. and all her friends backed out so it was just her and him going for it. haha.. she conveniently decided to not tell me that N was invited too.. I am venting I know.. but I just can’t stand this bullshit. She knows I feel uncomfortable around him and yet she still chose to invite him. I’m so so relieved I made the right decision of backing out of the plans to go to garba with her. I think my weekends will go by tension free if I stop visiting Long Beach. I’m invisible anyways so there’s no point in going there just to fall ill from all the filth she seems to live in…this light is turned off.