old inspiration…

This is an inspirational essay written by Mary Schmich in 1997 which was published in the Chicago Tribune. This essay has been most famously used for giving advice to high school seniors who are ready to go out and make it in this big bad world. Many of you may have seen/heard this essay. It was remixed into a song by Baz Luhrmann in 1998 called “Wear Sunscreen.” I think even though most of us have already past the threshold of graduating high school we can still take something from this essay and apply it to our lives in some small way. Below is the orginal essay Mary Schmich published in her column back in 1997..

“Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who’d rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there’s no reason we can’t entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…”

Some people may see a lot of cliches and be bored of this by now but I still love the inspiration I get from this essay. This light is turned off…

Currently reading
The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
By Douglas Adams

christmas weekend sucked…

i’ve been hurt by friendship so many times that i have cut strings with all my friends…

So Christmas weekend was supposed to be great.. initially it started out splendid… and turned really really sour.. it went bad like the milk in my fridge… jk (i love drinking milk too much to let it go to waste…) anywho I had planned to go out the weekend after my birthday to F & R’s place which was christmas weekend. They had somehow patched up after what seemed like really sleazy juvenile behavior if you asked me…(she was talking bout her sex life with another guy that she had a crush on and was completely giving her boyfriend the cold shoulder.. i think she was considering dumping him but last minute abandoned the idea) but I decided not to question why or how or what they were getting back together for. When they both came to me with their problems I finally put my foot down and said. Look I am a friend and a friend is good to ask advice, talk and sort things out, vent, have a shoulder to cry on, and the works and I will do that for both of you when you need me to but when you have issues with each other and you don’t bother to deal with them with one another and tell me not to tell the other person aI will not do that anymore. You guys are just making ur relationship worse by hiding your feelings from each other and its ridiculous to stay in a relationship if you cant even talk to each other about issues that are bothering you. For me I think a boyfriend or girlfriend is the person who should know the first about issues or problems and someone like your best friend almost… So your living a lie if you keep hiding problems and the way you feel from them… anyways so a month past after I had written both of them an email telling them that I would not hide their secrets from each other any longer but im still there to talk to if they needed to after they talked to each other. they conveniently just stopped talking to me for like a week or two after that and then when my birthday came around pretended like I had never said anything to them. They called me at midnight on my birthday and came over…. They came over from their friends place didn’t even bother bringing their stuff because they planned on going back there.. They came for like 5 minutes and dropped off a pair of sunglasses that they got me for my birthday and that was that.. They were like why are you not celebrating your birthday… I got kinda pissed off but I didn’t show it.. because R instead of being more interested in wishing me on my birthday was more interested in showing her tattoo that she got. That too after she spoke to me about getting a tattoo a couple months back and I told her to think about a design for 6 months to a year before getting it because it’s something that’s gonna be there for the rest of your life. But she didn’t listen.. why would she.. that too when she was telling me she wants a butterfly and then a week later said she wanted a dolphin… she can’t even say what the significance of a butterfly is to her.. i mean if there was some deep meaning of a butterfly that was important  to her in her life… i could understand but she’s just getting one because it’s cool… and that’s so lame.. oh well… i  did my part by trying to dissuade her… anywho I knew the second they stepped in my house on my birthday that they werent planning on being there for long… because they had come from their friends place nearby… and R had even left her purse there… ud think if u had a friend who didnt feel like celebrating her birthday you’d still go to her house and spend time with her there… either ordering in some food… watching a movie… drinking… talking…cheering her up.. but no… they were more bothered bout going to their friends house… you see ever since their old group of friends from work has kind of disappeared they are so obsessed bout filling those holes with new friends and so now theyve found this new group… and now they find it easy to bad mouth their old group and crave to spend time with their new group… to the point where when i go visit their house like once or twice a month i find that they can’t even take that day out to spend with me.. theyre more focused on how they can get over to their friends house…

i decided to visit R & F the weekend after my birthday… the first day was fun.. we chilled out… we drank… I made my famous alfredo white sauce pasta… F U and I smoked up… it was fun… since I landed there I had told them my piano has been ordered and I was hoping they would come with me on Sunday to drop off the last remaining check and then I planned on surprising them by taking them out to lunch at the restaurant above the piano store. It’s a restaurant called Sheesha and they serve fabulous steaks, sizzlers and Iranian food. In India its apparently custom that the birthday person has to treat their friends.. (I think that’s so fucked up because it should be that the person who’s birthday it is should be getting pampered by friends and family and not be busy doling out cash to treat everyone.. but anywho since I didnt’ do anything on my birthday I thought Sheesha lunch with them would be a good way to treat them for my birthday) But Saturday night I was left with just R, because F had to go out for some religious thingy with his family and R was hell bent on going to her new friends place.. so then I said fine let’s go.. (what am I supposed to do, say no and have her sit there annoyed with me?) So I got ready and we went.. what she said was that her friend was gonna pick us up int he car and he would drive us back when we were done since it was really really cold outside. As soon as she had this plan in her head I knew the next day both F & R were gonna give some ditch excuse and back out of my plan which I had been saying since the beginning that I wanted to go to the piano place. We went over to her friend’s house… as usual I’m not happy about being there because everyone of their friends speaks in Hindi and that is a language I don’t understand.. The house we go to the couple that stay there they are really nice people… really kind and whatever… but the whole group as  whole is just so rude and in their own world. I went there a couple months back and everyone was speaking in Hindi.. I told them I don’t understand Hindi but they continued speaking in Hindi. And I’m telling you these are people who work for an American call center so you can trust me that they know how to speak English… but they’d rather not change their ways and make one person who’s a guest feel comfortable.. At first it was just me R and the couple. We played this card game called judgment and it was awesome… we had a lot of fun and it’s really entertaining. Then at 2 am F came with the rest of the group and that’s when the shit started hitting the fan. He has this thing where he likes to poke fun of me because I’m American and make fun of my country. I’ve told him I don’t find it funny and we’ve had countless fights over this and the end conclusion is that he said he wouldnt make fun of me and who I am.. but he must have been in some mood to vent or belittle me.. and he started doing it.. right there in front of everyone… I smiled the first time… the 2nd time… the third time… i just sat there quietly not saying a word… the fourth time the fifth time… then he just kept going and i didnt find it funny anymore.. everyone else was just laughing.. his girlfriend R was completely mum didn’t bother stopping him or telling him what he was doing was wrong even though she felt it was wrong.. then when i got quiet and it was apparent i was upset he starts talking in Hindi about me to the rest of his friends and they’re laughing about me in front of me… can you believe that?? I just was so hurt… I couldn’t believe it… I was so miserable so sad.. I was ready to start crying.. but I said they would just find another reason to laugh at a 27 yr old chick who’s crying… I never felt so humiliated or left out in my life.. I thought when you go to a new friend’s house your old friends are supposed to go out of their way to make you feel comfortable.. but they ended up doing the opposite… and it hurt so much… I started just thinking to myself to get over the boredom of not being talked to and just left in a corner to myself.. I realized that my boyfriend was right.. that the fact that these friends keep disrespecting me and think it’s ok it doesn’t sound like these are friends of yours. Everytime they come and say sorry.

Can you believe R actually said to me on the way home from this place that this is between F and me and she put her hands up and said she’s going to stay out of it and not get involved? I wished at that moment that the 1000′s of times she had come to me to vent about F and to get consoled from me that I had told her the same thing.. that this is between F and you and I don’t wanna get involved. what a bitch. We go back to their place. My stuff was there otherwise I would have gone home. I was so upset and tired I just went and took a nap..I woke up around 11 to find F had taken my hard drive to his house instead of bringing it home. When I was leaving the house everyone told me to give it to him because he would put it in his backpack, but when i woke up I found out h went to his house instead of coming where I was.. I was so pissed.. I called him up till he woke up and told him I wanted my hard drive and that I was leaving. He’s like can’t you come and pick it up..  I was like balls. I am not gonna pick it up I already am going to the other end of town to pay the check to the piano store do you really think I’m going to go out of my way when I wanted to carry my own hard drive in the first place. So he came and delivered it.

The sunglasses that they got me I left them there because the day they had come to gift them to me we had realized the ones they had chosen were too big for my face. R and I had decided that we were going to exchange them… They were planning to go to Goa that weekend so I thought it’s better the sunglasses stay with the receipt s I left them behind. F realized I had left them behind and as I had left the house and was waiting for the lift he asked me you left these behind. I told him I have left them to be with the receipt. So he goes and tells R that i have returned their gift. What a prick. So by the time I get home she’s written this angry email to me telling me how if I’m returning her gift that she will come and return all the gifts I’ve given to her and blah blah blah… so I wrote back to her and told her what a shitty person she was for assuming the worst about me to which she didn’t even respond back. Then I went on to write them a huge email of everything that went wrong that weekend to both of them and also telling them I’d rather not have friends than have friends assume the worst about me..

They were honestly the only two friends I used to hang out with… I didn’t think they would hurt me… I didn’t think they would but they just don’t give a damn… Since last year I’ve given up the idea of having friends because they would just use me and I would feel shitty… now the only two friends I had left I don’t talk to them either. I’m happier being alone in my home than being with people that make me feel like shit… I think we make the mistake of depending on other people to feel happy when we should take the responsibility of keeping ourselves happy no matter who’s there or who isn’t in our lives… sigh… this light is turned off..

Currently watching
(500) Days of Summer

Ironic Ain’t It?

Hmmm, well Ive been so bad about updating my “Things I Love Thursday” weekly post that I’ve decided to abandon ship :( I was hoping I would have time to write it every week along with my regular posts but it seems that I dont have time for either and I don’t want all my posts to be a string of just thursday weekly posts. Sigh…. So I guess I’ll just stick to writing when I can, which will hopefully be often enough… Just yesterday I was pondering over something while cooking dinner and it made me feel like writing about it.. I was thinking of the fact that some of our once traumatic memories of our childhood and our growing up phase later evolve into some of our most cherished and memorable happy moments… Isnt that crazy how these haunting memories can evolve like that?

I remember, my dad was supposed to drop me off to my junior prom. I was running late so dad said you finish getting ready and I will wait outside in the car for you so we can leave soon. I finish getting ready and run outside to find my dad sitting in our rusty old Toyota minivan with my huge irish wolfehound sitting in the front seat. I didnt have time to change cars now so I just sat inside. Prom is something so special that everyone comes in ultimate grandeur. $800 dresses, guys wear tuxedos, they rent limousines to arrive in style… So you can imagine how mortified I was when dad pulled in to the lobby and I arrived in a rusty minivan with my dog in the front seat. There were some of the cheerleaders from my school standing outside and they were just sneering at me. I just blushed and ran inside to find my friends. It was embarassing at the time. But now I laugh at it, and I love the fact that I’m probably the only girl in the history of proms that could say i arrived with my dog. lol… Once I got there I had a blast so… who cares if i got a couple sneers in the lobby. to my friends it didnt matter how I showed up, as long as i did. and the sweetest part is, as soon as my dad had pulled in, he also realized how fancy this place was and apologized for dropping me like this. And so not to make him feel bad. I said it’s ok and didnt’ make a big deal out of it… heheh… hmmmm… do u have any horrific memories that evolved into something sweet or special later on? I’d love to know! Ok, well I’m done for today, this light is turned off…

 

Currently listening to Running Up That Hill
Sleeping with Ghosts
By Placebo

My Latest Epiphany I’m Trying To Grasp…

You adjust to things that come into your life, good or bad…. and when they leave, you learn to continue living your life as if you never had it… Don’t go away empty handed. Learn from your experiences and your mistakes. Never depend on anyone else for anything whether it be happiness, love, money, confidence, success… gain these fruits for yourself, from within you. Do not expect anyone else to get these things for you. Believe in yourself. trust in yourself. be yourself.. because that’s the only one person you will be able to depend on always. Be comfortable being alone… create a barricade around your soul so that nothing can tear you apart and leave you weak. If that means being a bitch then so be it. At the end of the day YOU have to harbor those emotions of hurt, pain, and frustration when you become weak and soft enough to allow someone to make you feel that way. Harden your heart… Everyone looks nice from the outside but they all have agendas in their head. Don’t fall for them. Work is not a place to make friends. Do your job and leave. The more personal attachments you have, the more complicated life gets. Love yourself first. If you decide to trust someone enough to let them into your life, they come after you. If you allow them in, don’t be surprised if they pick up and leave tomorrow. In fact expect it. So it won’t be so hard to deal with when they finally do. Music is the only weakness you can allow yourself to experience recklessly. The only thing you can be vulnerable to without getting hurt. Experience it and embrace it whole heartedly.

Note: I cannot take credit for this epiphany. I had a conversation with someone (he/she knows who he is) and through a series of questions arguments and realizations I have come to find the above written. I thank the person who has helped me discover this. I am stronger and more enlightened because of this. This light is turned off..

 

Currently listening to Right Before Your Eyes  by Hoobastank
Daredevil: OST

my friend’s new Labrador Puppy & Reunion Dinner Plans

Well I had a blast this past weekend, so much that I didnt go to work Monday or Tuesday to enjoy the weekend some more!! I know naughty naughty me, but I just couldnt’ help it! My friend R & F (they’re boyfriend and girlfriend) they just moved into this amazing brand new 3 bedroom apartment and had invited me and my bf to the housewarming. Now with so much space they’ve been talking about getting a puppy and so the day of the housewarming they finally got a puppy. It was shoooo cute. They named him from the movie Zohan, i thought it was a cute name. He was so adorable and I got to babysit him for the days I stayed over at their apartment. It was so much fun. (besides dealing with my friends absolutely annoying drive me up the wall room mate!!! She’s the type of person you try, want to be friends with but it’s just so impossible with her nagging and annoying mannerisms..) It was adorably cute how he would wake up from a nap get up just to snuggle up closer to me. He had this thing about being comfortable when sleeping only when he was around someone. Here’s some pics of him, then you yourself can judge how cute he is and not just take my word for it.. hehe…

Well for the housewarming I made the best pasta I had ever made up until this point. One of the girls coming to the party wanted chicken in the pasta so I made it with chicken for the first time and it was a biggg hit, everyone wanted more and more  and more… Oddly enough I have to make it this weekend as well because this Saturday evening I’ve planned a dinner party at my place for all my classmates from school where I was for one year in 7th grade. It was only one year that I went to school here in India (then of course I got homesick and had gone back to the US to finish up my highschool) but It was a very special year in my life where I made some friends for life. I bump into some of them every couple of months and others I havent met in years and most of them are ready to come so Im really looking forward to this dinner. Im also making/cooking everything from scratch because Im on this cooking craze for some reason. heheh… This is the menu I planned for the reunion dinner party Im having:

White Sauce Chicken Italian Pasta
Garlic Bread (That of course will be store bought!)
Creamy Mashed Potatoes
Fresh Garden Salad with Ranch Dressing
Guacamole with Tortilla Chips
Make Your Own Sundae (for dessert, Im going to buy a big huge amount of vanilla ice cream and have different toppings like chocolate sauce, roasted almonds, butterscotch topping, sliced bananas soaked in honey, fresh cut strawberries, and strawberry sauce for people to choose what they want on their icecream)

Im super excited and drooling just thinking about it… I charged my batteries so I can take some really nice pictures of my friends and this dinner. Looking forward to this dinner. theyre very bubbly and friendly more so than my college group of friends… lalala such is life. I honestly want to add one more side dish to the menu above because I dont think this is going to be enough or just in case so there’s enough food to go around… so going to go back to my recipe hunting. wish me luck!!

Currently listening to Insane In The Membrane
Greatest Hits
By Cypress Hill

New Year’s Eve

Well I havent posted lately cuz Ive been so focussed on just spending every minute I can with my dad while he’s in town visiting. I have been having a great 2-3 weeks spending every evening with my dad, spending all of my weekends with him and just being around him as much as I can. Growing up, especially when I hit highschool things really soured between me and my dad and it left a little void in my heart since then. These past two years things are turning around and we are both focussing on getting to know one another better and having a healthy relationship with each other. He’s also realized Ive grown up and Im doing the best I can at being a substantial and healthy and good citizen of this world and he’s also come to terms with the past so it’s really been good spending time with him these past couple of weeks. My dad is really an amazing guy. I know it sounds silly, me being his daughter making such a statement (it’s as if Im complimenting myself) but he really is. My dad’s pretty old actually which makes me more focussed about spending as much time as I can while’s he’s here. I know one day Im going to really really miss him when it’s his time to go and that’s why I want to make the best of my time while he’s here. living and breathing. I guess we grow up thinking we’ll all live in one happy family forever and ever but after a point, (For me it’s my 20′s) you come to terms with reality that we’re all going to pass on one day. This trip, my dad coming to visit me in India has been an emotional milestone for me because he’s really opened up and was able to tell me about pieces of his life and experiences I had never heard of before. These stories were so profound, it felt it was an honor to be told about these memories of his. Most of his stories went into his years when he first came to America, his college days at Columbia University, how things were back then, finding work after graduating,  people that meant something to him, his relationship with his dad and mom, etc. I love listening, discussing, and reading about life experiences. I think that’s why I enjoy reading certain autobiographies and biographies with a passion.

Anyways, because of my dad being down I didnt get a chance to write about my new year’s eve night. It was really fun. I was in two minds about whether to go or not. I was going to this college friend M’s house for new year’s and I wasnt sure I wanted to be there because my ex-husband’s friends were possibly gonna be there and I didnt want to be the focal point of the gossip getting back to him.( I got married in 2006 to who I thought was the love of my life only to find out after 6 months that he wanted to divorce me because he didnt love me anymore and had fallen in love with a 16 yr old bimbo) My friend M has a tactful apparently unconcious way of bringing up people and subjects that touch a nerve, either making me feel uncomfortable or pissed off. And I had a feeling I wouldnt enjoy myself at her party. I have been tactfully avoiding her throughout the year, taking only sporadic phone calls of hers and conveniently being busy when she’s in town. But I knew it had to stop somewhere. So I faced her. I told her I was rethinking about coming because she brings up bad memories and people in my past that I dont want to remember and I dont want to bump into certain people at her party. And she nicely apologized for doing all that and assured me those certain people were not going to be present at this party and begged me to come. I ended up having a great time, for a party that was pretty much put together last minute, with a handful of people with no plans for new year’s, getting together to do nothing! lol.. it was great. I just told myself before getting there that I was going to enjoy the night and not worry about who thought what.  I met most of my college friends who I don’t meet up with often so it was fun catching up with them. I had not been feeling well that whole week and so I didnt feel like drinking any alcohol. I stuck to my one non-alcoholic sugary sweet love: Apple Juice  and enjoyed chicken kathi rolls with a pasta mayo salad (which i made and brought over) and yummy hot brownies with ice cream.

I hope all of you partied happily and safely. (I saw a car completely flipped over upside down in front of Meridien on the way home at 2am after partying on New Year’s Eve. I just hope everyone involved in that accident was ok!) Id like to take a moment out of my blog to wish everyone, all of you out there a HAPPY NEW YEAR! And as I SMSed everyone this year, (not just forwarded a cheesy corny new year msg) but actually took a moment to reflect on what I wanted to say to everyone…

“Here’s to looking forward to 2009, a fresh 365 days for all of us to learn to be better than we already are, rectify any mistakes made in the past and conquer our dreams.”

With all this birthday – christmas – new year’s eve festivities and family get togethers with dad being in town, i really have been pigging out on good food.  I went to Barbecue Nation the other night with some family which turned out to be this amazing barbecue joint (duh!) an all-you-can-eat for just Rs.450 a head with tons of different barbecues to try and a really nice buffet. I had a lot of fun there with my family just pigging out on one delicious thing after another. I seriously have never eaten the way I did that night. I didnt eat anything the next day until dinner that’s how stuffed i was. But it’s a great place to go to enjoy some REALLY good food. The best barbecues were the potatoes which tasted like a crispy baked potato dunked and oozing with cheese, the fish was really good and so was the chicken. They had a number of different dipping sauces like mint green chutney, chilli sesame sauce, mango chilli dip. Trying out a different barbecue with a different sauce in every bite was like having a different meal in every bite. My personal favorite was the mango chilli sauce. I think im going to experiment and try to make that dip at home for a party I have next time. It was like a sweetish mango pulp softened and pureed into a smooth dip with some chilli pieces added into it, to give it that perfect combination of sweet and spicy. Here’s a picture from my night at Barbecue Nation to make your mouth water. (I took this pic myself)

The trick to getting the maximum for your buck is to skip a meal before you head out to Barbecue Nation. So, if you plan on going there for dinner, skip lunch so you have enough room to stuff yourself with all the food you like. The desserts at the buffet were pretty good, I thought they could have been better. The hot mini gulab jamuns with ice cream were to die for though. yummy stuff.

Now that all the festivities, partying and get togethers are dying down I have promised myself as a new year’s resolution to shake off some pounds and be more physically fit. Im not fat or anything but I want to be healthy not just slimmer. hehe. As they say, just got a lil junk in the trunk! So wish me luck people, to losing some weight being healthy and quitting smoking. Those are my new year’s resolutions so far. what are yours?

Currently listening to My Love ft. T.I.
My Love, Pt. 1
By Justin Timberlake