im just a little devastated right now… i had an awesome brain storm yesterday evening.. typing away furiously on xanga… and when i finished i copied the damn thing in case it refreshed and cleared and in spite of doing that while i was finally posting it.. it somehow cleared what i was writing and didnt paste when i tried to paste what i was meaning to post… it has left me completely frustrated.. losing my piece of thought… my whole huge brainstorm cleared… thought i would remember enough of it to rewrite it and piece it back together.. but it just isnt the same… i hate that i was inspired like this after a long time to write something meaningful and it couldn’t save.. i could feel the power of it… and its just gone now.. sigh…. it started something about how life is so amazing and insane when we come across a spark in our life… a single second that suddenly sparks into a crazy thought.. a sudden realization that we have after so many years of living life.. existing.. and after so many years something dawns on us that we never noticed before… and its funny that we never noticed it before considering its been there all along… it went on to explain how thought provoking it would be not to just experience a single spark once in a blue moon but a continuous flow of sparks… and how the few rare people that are able to experience such a thing are termed insane because other people cannot begin to grasp the idea of such a thing. i also felt that life and how we experience it is a like being in a parachute way high up in the sky that’s coming down… and as we come down we land on these plateaus.. we land on them and learn what we can.. plateaus of learning and growth and evolving.. we take what we can from the plateau.. and use it to prepare ourselves for the next plateau.. which can come unexpectedly.. we don’t know when we will arrive at the next plateau.. how soon or how long it will take.. what experiences we can take from it.. but it’s up to us to take what’s put out there.. and if its not put out there then to find what we need to.. and scope out the learning experience. sometimes we land gracefully on each plateau.. sometimes its rough.. sometimes its stressful painful.. exhausting… i think it has to do something with how open we are to treating our life as a learning experience and advancing to the next level.. there are certain people who try and take what they can from it.. it shocks me how some people spend their whole lives monotonously through the same routine day in day out and don’t bother to take something from it.. or find the sparks..or bother doing anything with the sparks that they find.. i think others are capable of doing more with their lives but dont.. and it saddens me… i think im in between.. i find the sparks and i act upon them when i can but i could be doing much more… this is all i can manage to remember at the moment… it is so annoying that i can’t write the post originally as i had written it.. it’s like just not the same… maybe it’s for the best… maybe it wasn’t meant to be shared.. because it was solely meant for my own understanding.. another plateau maybe.. who knows.. all i know is im not gonna expect every landing to be the best.. but its definitely not going to be my worst.. and im going to enjoy life be happy and take what it gives me… im not going to sit back and just let life happen to me.. I’M GOING TO HAPPEN TO LIFE… hope to share another spark.. another plateau experience in the near future… this light is turned off..
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