I don’t know what hurts worse, being betrayed itself or the aftermath… Its a viscious cycle of deleting phone numbers, deleting profiles off facebook, then orkut, then god knows what… Im tired of it all I wish I could just erase my best friend in one big swoop. Shes not come to work today so Im glad I don’t have to see her face. Her smug look on her face as if she owns the world. She’s hurt me but she doesnt give a damn. Those are the toxic friends you hope to keep away from your life. Yes there’s always 2 sides to one story but she was not ready to see that she’s changed so much in the last couple of months that shes in turn moved away from me and I, in order not to offend her by pointing it out, I just watched quietly. Quietly watched her slowly unwrap herself from my life so she would be free again to do her own thing. Because she was my best friend I didnt see her weak points because that’s what friends do, they refuse to see the negative and only see the positive in a person. I did that and boy was I dumb. Real dumb. Her husband also ended up screwing me over. She had her moments where beither of us really knew what to make of her and instead of going to a third party or someone I didnt trust I used to talk a lot to her husband about the way she is. Not in a bad sense but just to get to understand the way she thinks, acts, works, and so forth… Now obviously something like this would offend her if she found out so he didnt let her know that he was talking to me. Now when I had this whole issue of her moving away and changing and acting different from her usual self I of course emailed her husband since I didnt get to talk much to him lately and he in turn rats me out and tells me that he doesnt keep anything from his wife and told her. So basically he acted like a two faced asshole that he is by confiding in me about her when he felt it was okay and when I needed his help he ratted me out and told her everything I told him. Which in turn made her pissed off and so thats where everything ended. She started yelling in my face at work to which I told her I dont think you’re gonna change and things will work between us so she walked away and we havent talked since. I really do not need such shit in my life. I would love to indulge in just talking about what kind of shitty two faced person they both are but I won’t Im too above that right now. Like I said, I chose not to see their dark sides and in turn its come to haunt me. I should have gone with my instinct and told myself that these dark qualities of theirs will end up hurting me one day. All this time I saw their actions hurting others now today theyre hurting me. She also conveniently got closer to me when her really good friend had disappeared and decided not to talk to her anymore. So she got close to me. Now shes again on talking terms with her good friend and so I am conveniently not needed. How interestingly bitter life becomes when you realize you’ve been used. I had promised myself not to go hunting for a best friend because even in the past I had been hurt and betrayed and had told myself that friends only end up betraying you and whenyou become a best friend to somebody and they let you down they really make you feel hurt and vulnerable. I guess I thought she was different and wouldnt do that to me… I am determined to get over this whole drama quickly and as painless as possible inspite of the fact that I wasted 2 yrs on her… I guess thats another lesson learned. I will talk about the rest of my day and plans later on when Im feeling more upbeat. I think I will listen to some nice cheery christmas songs to make me feel better
Currently listening to
Closer
By Ne-Yo
