almost there…

Gosh I can’t believe January’s almost over.. This past week, days have been creeping by instead of rushing past like they usually are… I think because I realize March is like ALMOST here..Because I’m aware it’s so close the days are not going by as fast as they usually do… Time.  It’s such a bitter sweet thing because there’s so much I need to finish before March arrives and yet I want it to come soon…

My boyfriend and I have been doing it long distance since April 19th 2009 and he will be coming to visit me for a month in March.. I wish he could come and then I could freeze time for like a couple months or so.. we haven’t met each other in 2 years. He’s coming to visit India just to spend time with me and I’ve taken off work so I can spend as much time as possible with him and basically catch up.. We both wanna make sure we’re making the right decision.. I mean 2 years so much can happen so many things can change.. but my gut tells me that everything’s gonna be fine… We talk to each other online almost the whole day and we call each other on the phone whenever we can.. it’s pretty exciting that he’s finally gonna be here.. we’re planning to go to Goa together while he’s here too.. That’s where the best place to chillax in India is.. Yummy seafood, great beaches to get tan on… M so excited… I get to finally wear my new bikini I bought last year when I visited my parents in California. My bikini is like a halter top like this one and has boyshorts below and its brown and turquoise… really cute and colorful!!

(The idea of owning a bikini, that too a California bikini always appealed to me… I haven’t really ventured towards a bikini since I was 7 or 8 . I stopped wearing them when I was that age after my nipple was exposed a little because I hadn’t tied the top on properly and my best friend at the time instead of quietly telling me shouted it out for everyone to look at before i could cover myself up in time. I was so traumatized even though i still had a chest as flat as any boy’s at the time that I never touched a bikini up till now.. lol.. ) Anyways back on topic.. gonna be relaxing on one of the many goa beaches there.. Goa is basically known as the Hawaii of the east..

a lot of European travellers come and visit for a cheap and chirpy beach vacation.. It’s a touristy yet very laid back bohemian kind of atmosphere. lots of beach shacks… lots of night parties,raves, good food, local alcohol made out of coconut (feni) also spelled as “fenny” and cashews (also a different type of feni) did i mention good seafood?…

I’m gonna be meeting his parents for the first time when we go spend time in Goa. More than anything I just want to confirm that we both are on the same page.. I know we are but confirmation makes it feel more secure and complete.. If things are as we think they are I guess this Christmas 2010 his parents are going to celebrate in Goa and yes that means my gojira will come and visit India then as well and all of us will be there together.. I’ve never celebrated a real Christmas before… His family is Catholic so it will be interesting to be there and participate in all the fun celebrating.. He showed me pics of how they celebrated this past 2009 and it looked pretty special… Goans are known for their seafood culinary skills.. I am going to make sure to ask his mom how she makes crab curry. It’s one of my absolute fave Goan dishes to eat.. It looks something like this…

Till then my apartment painting will keep me on my toes… it’s gonna start on the 26th. I’ve already cleared out 2 rooms so the painters can get it done soon… Ive cleared out the dining room area, the master bedroom and attached bathroom… I hope it doesn’t take forever to finish. I DON’T WANT THIS DONE ON INDIAN STANDARD TIME!!!!???!!! ….. We Indians have this saying that there’s the rest of the world and then there’s Indian standard time because most Indians are allllllllways late for everrrrrrrrything… It’s like genetic or something.. lol… If you hold a dinner party and tell everyone to come by 8pm they’ll start coming in by 9 and everyone will finally be there by 10pm.. its not a big deal when you talk about partying but when you want things to get finished it becomes very frustraating…  When those rooms are complete I’ll be clearing out the guest bedroom and attached bathroom and the living room… Right now practically all of my life is stuffed in the living room… it looks pretty funny actually..

And yes I moved everything including tv, piano, tables, sofas, beds ALL by my little self!! My back could do with a pain killer but I’m surviving to say the least ;P I’ve also taken on another freelancing project with a colleague that I used to work for in the UK. He has offered me article writing work which actually doesn’t pay amazing but otherwise I’m just sitting here twiddling my thumbs so I decided to take it so I can be super busy till March comes.. plus extra moola is always a good thing… hehehe.. Just thinking about all my plans has gotten me all hyper and excited all over again..can’t waitt….. i have a feeling 2010 is gonna be a brand new start.. yeah sounds cliched.. but for the people who don’t know me and the way my life’s been the past 4 years nothing this amazing has worked out for me… so keep your fingers crossed everyones…. This light is turned off…

Currently listening to

Wavering Radiant
By Isis

Who is your role model? Why?

When I was 3 my role model was …

My Dad. He had a lot of free time to spend with me because he was a college professor and he usually worked evenings and had whole summers off. He used to do my hair every morning, teach me interesting things about science and math, cut my barbie’s hair when I wanted to, everything a little girl could ever ask for. When I was in preschool, I used to see all the kids running to their moms screaming “Mooooooommmmyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!” when they came to pick them up. my dad was the only father who used to come to pick their kid up from preschool. Not knowing any better I used to run to him screaming “Mommmmmmmmmyyyyyy!!!!” too..

When I was 23 my role model was…

My mom. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and she was so strong for fighting against it. She went through all the chemo and radiation with strength bravery and optimism. She has been cancer free for the last 5 years.

Today at 27 my role model is…

My boyfriend. yeah I know it may sound corny and typical. But my boyfriend will hopefully be my fiance by the end of the year if things go as planned. He has taken the time not only to care for me but to bother what I think of myself and help me become a better person. He has taught me that it’s okay to think about myself first before thinking about others which I don’t do enough of. And he is the first person that has made me accustomed with the feeling of being alone. He said to me, I want you to learn to be happy on your own so you will never have to depend on anyone else for your happiness. I used to make myself ill feeling alone because I hated the feeling. I would get restless and depressed and it would make my skin crawl. To avoid that feeling and in my desperate attempt not to feel that way I would not treat myself right and hang out with all the wrong people. He’s my gojira… and yeah (another cliche coming your way…) I do love him… This light is turned off…

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Currently listening to Shattered
The Trucks
By The Trucks

food foood yummy foodddddd….

any person who knows me well enough knows how crazy i am about food, cooking and eating… so ive decided to make a blog about my cooking, food, and recipe experiences… i think it would be fun interesting and be a chance for me to record my recipes in one place so if i lose my little scraps of paper i have my recipes written on, i have something to refer to i was thinking of starting my blog on blogger.. to try a new blog site… my boyfriend uses blogger so i was thinking of trying something different… specially since they are adaptable to html and css codes which u can insert and putting different apps and themes and so forth… so i wanted to give a hand at trying all that out and experimenting with it… but then i just realized day before yesterday that xanga has a sister site all about food called I Really Like Food so that also might be an option where i can start a food recipe and cooking blog… lets see… but anyways… for the header of my blog… instead of using a picture thats already out there… i decided to create a collage of all my fave foods and then put a title of my blog over the collage… here’s the collage i made below.. let me know if you have any thoughts.. or how i could improve it….

haha this collage contains all my favorite foods: chocolate chip cookies (the homemade, gooey chocolate chips are melting, hot in your hand, fresh out of the oven kind!), felafel, fettuccine alfredo, mocha mud pie (from TGIF’s), butter chicken, dippin dots ice cream, hamburgers, beef steak, tom kha soup, sushi (my favorite are California rolls), hummus, tacos, chocolate chip cookie dough icecream, baingan bharith ( the kind made with coconut milk or yogurt, maharashtrian dish) italian sausage with mustard and onions, Philadelphia cheesecake, guacamole, and beef chili) as you can see i’m a complete foodie and that’s all i had room to squeeze on the collage so….. I don’t know… i have some other ideas on this…  i might put up another update about my header of the new blog later on this week…. wish me luck!!! this light is turned off….

edit: i removed that blog it doesn’t exist. check out my “Puttering In The Kitchen” Category to check out my latest kitchen/cooking experiences :)

 

Currently listening to
Home Sweet Home/Bittersweet Symphony
By Limp Bizkit

ugh

I hate when I have to update a lot when I’ve been too lazy or busy to write. I know sure there’s no one forcing me to write everything but I feel like this is my little recount on life and I owe it to myself to atleast summarize what I’ve missed out on writing even if its not play-by-play details… sigh…. It’s funny… cuz I’ve had blogs in the past… and I ended them because I felt no one was commenting or reading them.. I wrote for all the wrong reasons back then… I was honestly a totally different person back then as well. I should have written for myself and not cared whether everyone read it or no one read it… I guess that’s what I do now… hmmm… I know theres some who comment and read this when they get the time… and i definitely appreciate the comments when I get them… but these days it doesnt make me feel bad if no one reads it… It’s just for me… hmmm… well to give u a lil summary of stuff I’ve missed out on… I’m still working at the same company as before… but now I work from home at approximately half the salary… It works out much better. save a lot of cash now that I dont have to travel across town to get to work… I dont have to see the bitches and dickheads from work and deal with them… I get to get up when I want and work when I want. The deal is I gotta submit two articles everyday… I’m hoping to pick up one more freelancing job so I make enough cash as I was before… I also get to spend a lot more time with family so its pretty cool… hmmm … wut else… well I’d been meaning to finish reading my boyfriend’s blog for the longest time. I’d finished reading 2005 and 2007 like a month ago and 2008-9 were pending… So anyways today’s Thursday so he usually goes out every Thursday and has a boy’s night barbecue with his friends so I thought I would sit and finish reading it… so I did. It was such a good read.. felt like what I did after finishing the Twilight series (Oh, man that was amazing…. I want more!!!) lol… cheesy I know but it’s true… I think he’d make some serious mad money if he wrote a book or something… hmmm…. Man, the time is gonna fly by fast now…. I can feel it… in my blood. in my veins…. its like instinct or something… just like how the birds just frickin know when to  fly south for the winter… well atleast the birds in the US do that… I donno bout these desi birds whether they fly somewhere for hmmm… maybe monsoon? oh well. who cares…

it honestly feels good to write on my blog after so long… I’m excited… I dont want to jinx anything but I feel so comfortable where I am right now in life. Sure I want things to move in due course… so I can be happy with my boyfriend… hopefully married soon and all that… but even though I’m absolutely dying to have that… to wake up every morning and see his face next to mine… wake up…cook for him… take care of him… have his babies… and the whole works… I’m STILL happy where I am right now… it’s weird because I don’t think I’ve ever been happy at this stage in my life… I’ve just been fucking depressed… so low…. not human for the past 3 yrs??? its hard to explain… but this is the first time Ive taken things slow… taken the time to speculate where I’m going in life and myself so I can be a healthy individual and happy with who I am… I don’t think I’ve ever done that before in my life… it’s insane….it’s weird… its almost like skipping a grade and then wondering what’s missing… or running before you learn how to stop or walk and then crashing into a wall… So now I’m finally learning to walk and stop and take a look at my life… and it feels so good…. its not all a breeze in the park I tell you… There are days where I am cringing and hurting and frustrated and tired…. but its easier to manage now because I’m learning more about myself… I think I never would have learned all this if it wasnt for K… hmmm….he means everything to me…  I think I’m done rambling… It was a good ramble though…. will write more when I feel a bit more clear… loll… bed time for moi…. this light is turned off…

Currently listening to
Walking in the Air
By Nightwish

SUMMAMABITCH $!@#$%!!?!….. >:|

SUMMAMABITCH $!@#$%!!?! That’s what Bernie Mac used to say when he got annoyed or bugged with something…. Gosh, its just been one of those weeks where you wonder what else can go wrong…. I guess I should be grateful that I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I have a kickass boyfriend (hmmmm are u listening gremlin?) I have my arms and legs intact… buttttttttt…. I want to vent and so I will… sigh… I guess it all started from the weekend my ipod decided to ditch me and go to ipod heaven… I feel lost without it…

my music-less life is soooooo sadddddd and silent and scaryy… of course i listen to music on the computer when I get home from work but its just not the same… also I have a hell of a long ride to work and I actually used to enjoy my ride getting to listen to music uninterrupted for a nice half an hour to 45 mins stretch… but such is life. those apple assturds at Adlabs are telling me that its not fixable and they said I have the option of buying a brand new one… (thats a 10 to 13 grand hole in my pocket right there) or I can choose to give this broken one to them where they send it to Apple and send me a brand new one back for 7 grand… (we’re talking rupees here people!!) if it wasnt for the fact that i bought brand new ipod compatible dock speakers then Id probably consider changing my brand to go for something more long lasting and durable. I swear I took care of this except for a few haphazard slip ups where I’ve dropped it. But doesnt everyone drop their ipod at least once or twice? and if so, isnt apple supposed to make them durable and hardy enough to last more than 2 frickin years???? i mean because i have friends who’ve had their ipods last and last for a good 5-6 yrs thats why i bought it!!! and mine dies in 2 yrs? gimme a frickin break… then theres the issue of buying a silicon cover or a plastic hard cover. then theres the issue that the dock speakers i have u really have to jam the ipod in there to get it to connect… maybe that f*cked it up…. i just donno…. ugh…. anyways so here i am ipodless… now last week i found out my bike really needs servicing. regular checkups are not too bad thats just 300-500. but when somethings wrong with ur bike or needs fixing you know its gonna be a chunk of money leaving your pocket. I expect atleast 2-5 grands to go with this repair because theres a lot of oil leaking from it. and i require my bike to travel everyday…. its my only mode of transportation. (thats the only reason my bike is priority over the fixing of my ipod otherwise i wouldnt need a split second to make a decision that ipod comes first!!) so anywho i finallllllllly got my paycheck yesterday so ive decided to be a good girl and get my bike fixed this month and save allll my money…. then next month ill go get my ipod fixed…. and then in august ill buy my guitar… my guitar has been pushed along since december 2008 so whats another couple of months to wait right?? wrong… i want that so badly cuz ive been itching to learn and keep myself busy…. because ME. I feel like frickin Bella from Twilight. I unintentionally attract trouble. She attracts vampires and werewolves and wars between the paranormal… whereas I attract psychos and losers, biatches, betraying friends and not-so-impressed annoyed family members who have a problem with evvvvvvverything i do!!! grrrrrr…. I have decided that I’m  done with friendship. Im seriously done with it. f*ck friendship. It just leads to disappointment. The people i have in my life right now are good enough for me. whatever their faults whatever their weaknesses whatever their f*ckups they still care enough to call once in a while and make me feel good. but even those people I keep some sort of distance from and guard my heart… from breaking into any more pieces.  hmmm i think i’m done venting now… but im still super stressed cuz i have to meet my cousin today…. she’s one of the best things in my life… but when she wants to talk… it means somethings up that’s not good…. and i hate confrontations…. i guess i know the outcomes and possibilities to what she probably wants to talk to me about so its not like im going into pitch darkness but still…. ugh…. why cant life be simple and boring again!!!! i guess i should be considerate to myself and be honest about the fact that i did have one good thing happen this week. It was my friend S’s bday… and so the eve of her bday we decided to go for a movie and we wanted to see a chick flick…Bride Wars with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson and it was reallllllllllly reallllllllly good!!!

all the wedding stuff was breathtaking and romantic and adorably fun to watch….it was like really nice eyecandy but nothing to do with seeing a hot guy…. it was more like hot wedding dresses, and hot wedding shoes, and hot wedding themes, and hot wedding everything!! And it was funny too… My friend and I laughed our guts off and it was such a cute ending…. and the soundtrack was good too (already have it downloaded) it was even funnier because most of the people in the theatre werent laughing at all the cracks and jokes throughout the movie cuz they didnttttttt understandddddddddddddd…. like there was this scene where Kate Hudson’s hair turns blue and she’s really upset cuz her weddings a week away… and shes crying about it to her fiance and her fiance says ‘well you know honey it’s kinda growing on me, i love you in whatever way you look like and i feel like im with a really hot smurf!” and my friend and i burst out laughing…. and everyone else was like huh? what are they laughing at… dumbassses who’ve never seen the Smurfs cartoon show before… haha, i remember watching that in daycare before i even started kindergarten…

anyways all you chick flick lovers out there, gooooo seeee this movieeee!!!!! ok…. i gtg…. hopefully i come on here next to tell you a more happier nicer week in my life and tell you bout how good everything is… this light is turned off…

Currently listening to Dream (Bride Wars OST)
A Good Day
By Priscilla Ahn

back from the USA (pronounced OOH-SA) Land!

well i got back from California a while back… exactly a month to the tee…. I had planned on writing lots while I was in california but I think I just absorbed in all the lolling around and laziness and just enjoying myself, my time with my family. doing nothing that I just didn’t write in here all this time… Lots happened of course. Like a fellow blogger once wrote which I liked very much… ” It always means life is good when I’m not writing in here” loll.. the good thing is that i got to do a lot of thinking while i was there…. and in turn it has affected the way i look at life and i’ve made the necessary changes to make it go in the direction where I’m happy with myself and my life. One major change I made was I got out of the damaging relationship I was in. I think I stuck on much longer than necessary because I was scared of being alone. Its kinda sad, it’s like I would rather be unhappy with myself and my relationship and the direction my life was going in than be alone and that said a lot about my independence. Every time I brought up the issues with my boyfriend at the time (now my ex) he stopped caring about what those issues were because he knew sooner or later even though I said I wanted to break up or if i was upset or mad at him he knew Id take him back. He had become used to taking me for granted. He laid a hand on me more times than I can count on my fingers. It was all eating me up inside. I had the courage and the time to take a look at my life and what I had in it when chilling at home in California. I think that time and space of being away from my ex helped me get the confidence to tell him to F*ck off. When I finally got back I told him I had had enough and I broke up with him… 2 weeks into my vacation I got an email from my boss that the process went back and we had been laid off. In his terms we hadn’t technically been laid off since he was offering jobs in another process taking calls. But no way was I going back to those damn night shifts and taking calls.. The devil couldn’t drag me there.. So he asked me whether I wanted to put down my papers or what I wanted to do… I told him without a doubt put my papers down… My boss tried to tempt me with false promises or as i like to call it “give the monkey a banana” but I had heard his promises plenty of times and seen them fall through. In fact I wanted to leave 6 months earlier and I realized with the recession it would be smarter to stick on than to switch jobs…so I stayed even though I hated the management and job itself because there was no work… It was kind of stressful to be at home trying to enjoy a nice relaxed holiday after what a bajillion years??? only to find out that suddenly I had no job…It was kind of unnerving but I knew Id always been resourceful and lucky bout finding a job so I was keen to get back to P soon and start my job hunting.. Id also realized my break into the internet marketing field was a god send and I wanted to continue working in the SEO (Search engine optimization) field because I really learned a lot and was genuinely interested in this career. When i got back I had to deal with the ugliness of ending a relationship where my ex just didn’t want to end it, or couldn’t come to terms that I was ending it… In many ways it wasn’t fair because i had a whole month to come to terms that I didn’t want this relationship anymore and that I was done with his abuse and his overpowering nature and then I came back to P and just shocked the hell out of him by telling him its over… but then that’s life. And he deserved it for the way he treated me… I was so busy trying to convince myself that everything was fine and perfect I had even camouflaged the parts of my relationship that should have had me running… When i stepped back to analyze the whole relationship I had with my ex and what it had evolved into and all the warning signs along the way I just felt so foolish for letting it roll on this long.. I guess I deserved it because exactly 2 yrs ago I was in a relationship with a guy. A very special guy… I told everyone I had met him in college when I was in NY but the truth was I had met him in a chatroom online. We were both 18 back then. young and stupid and I was madly in love with this stranger that i had never met…To cut a long story short I moved to India to do my college degree and lost touch with him. In 2007 I bumped into him online and I found out he was in Mumbai and we finally met for the first time…He was getting out of a bad relationship.. I had just been seperated from my ex husband who had kicked me out and abandoned me…It was love at first click…We had a relationship for 7 months i think before he had to go back to K after his oracle studies were finished.. I thought Id never see him again. I never thought he was serious about me so I dumped him when I met a college friend who was interested in dating me… It was the ugliest meanest thing Ive ever done to anyone… if you knew me Im usually the person who gets dumped so this was a real first for me… I felt so horrible but I thought it was the right thing to do… I was unintentionally crueler than necessary because I didnt have the balls to tell him that i was dating someone else and he saw those pics on orkut… it mustve been a bitchy thing… ugh… anyways we kinda talked once in a blue moon.. but since then that guy from college turned out to be a bastard and then i got stuck with this guy whos now my ex for the past year trying to convince myself it was meant to be…. and then by chance while i was at the end of my trip in california i happened to send him a wallpaper of this band he got me into… i never even expected him to respond… and if anything prolly something mean and bitter for the way that i had left him heartbroken.. but instead it was his pouring out of feelings for the way his life has been since i left him.. and how he missed those days of hanging out with me… and how his parents want him to settle down…and he cant picture settling down with just any chick… but he wanted someone like me…. so since that day… we havent committed committed… we’re sorta kinda back together but we wanna see where this takes us… he wants to come back and see how things are with me.. and if he still feels the vibe then i guess we’re planning on getting married. i just feel blessed that im getting a second chance with him… i hope and pray that it works out… since then everything has been going right for me… i got this super amazing job in p doing internet marketing and im learning so much and i love my boss. Im so excited… I just hope everything goes as planned… because im getting too old to deal with anymore mistakes int he relationship department… anywho…. i think this is a long ramble enough…. will write more next time… maybe continue the story or tell u whats up currently… either way… it feels good to be back and bloggging… hmmmmm…. this light is turned offf…

Currently listening to Rose
Mer de Noms
By A Perfect Circle