Give Me My Wings

Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It’s time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!”

Fighting the urge to break down before the fight is over.. Everything is so damn stressful.. But I’m holding on to a thread, a straw, a shrapnel of hope. Been listening to 10,000 days non stop for the past 3 days. It has definitely been an influential factor to keep myself together and focused. Just 4 days left. Actually technically 3 because the interview will be on the 18th his time. So I will be up all hours of Monday night waiting to here what the final verdict is. Been praying a lot these past couple of days. I figure before the interview it is only befitting that I post those prayers out of respect since those are the ones I have not yet published or shared out of all the ones that I say. I usually like to put 1 at a time. But I’m giving you St. Anthony, St. Jude and St. Martha all in one go.  I will post again after Monday. Or maybe not. Let’s see. This light is turned off.

NOVENA TO ST. ANTHONY OF PADUA

O White lily of purity, sublime example of poverty, true mirror of humility, resplendent star of sanctity. O glorious St Anthony, who didst enjoy the sweet privilege of receiving into thy arms the Infant Jesus, I beseech thee to take me under they powerful protection. Thou in whom the power of working miracles shines forth among the other gifts of God, have pity upon me and come to my aid in this my great need. (*state your request here*) Cleanse my heart from every disorderly affection, obtain for me a true contrition for my sins and a great love of God and of my neighbour that serving God faithfully in this life, I may come to praise, enjoy and bless Him eternally with thee in Paradise. Amen

Recite one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and one Glory Be.

NOVENA TO ST. JUDE
(If your circumstances feel or seem hopeless and discouraging, this is the Novena for you. This prayer asks that you promise to publish the prayer afterward in order to share with others. Pray for 9 days or 9 hours straight.)

To Saint Jude, Holy Saint Jude, Apostle and Martyr, great in virtue and rich in miracles, near kinsman of Jesus Christ, faithful intercessor of all who invoke your special patronage in time of need. To you I have recourse from the depths of my heart and humbly beg to whom God has given such great power to come to my assistance. Help me in my present and urgent petition, (*state your request here*) In return I promise to make your name known and cause you to be invoked. Saint Jude pray for us and all who invoke your aid. Amen.

Say 3 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, and 3 Glory Bes.

NOVENA TO ST. MARTHA
(Pray this Novena on Tuesdays for 9 weeks: This miraculous Saint grants everything no matter how difficult before the termination of the 9th Tuesday. This novena to be said each Tuesday for 9 succeeding Tuesdays and on each Tuesday, light a candle.)

Saint Martha, I resort to your aid and protection. As proof of my affection and faith, I offer you this light, which I shall burn every Tuesday. Comfort me in all my difficulties and through the great favors you enjoyed when the Savior was lodged in your house, intercede for my family, that we be provided for in our difficulties. You did overcome the dragon which you had at your feet.

Say 3 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, and 3 Glory Bes.

Christmas Eve-Morning

Will never ever forget this day. On this day God spoke to me and 4 guardian angels in the flesh came to help me off my knees. I will be forever thankful to these mystery souls. Merry Christmas Everyone! May your Christmas be bright and glowing..

Prayer To The Holy Spirit

PRAYER TO THE HOLY SPIRIT
(For urgent needs; Pray for 3 consecutive days or 3 hours straight.)

Holy Spirit, You who make me see everything and showed me the way to reach my ideals, You who gave me the divine gift to forgive and forget the wrong that is done to me and You who are in all instances of my life with me, I want to thank You for everything and confirm once more that I never want to be separated from You no matter how great the material desire may be. I want to be with You and my loved ones in Your perpetual glory. Amen. In Jesus Christ, your Son’s name, I ask that you grant me (*state your request here*)

3 Daily Prayers

OUR FATHER – LORD’S PRAYER

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, the
Glory and the Power forever. Amen.

HAIL MARY

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

GLORY BE

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Vater Unser by ~DragonBlessed on deviantART

These are the 3 main prayers I try to say on a daily basis. I say them like clockwork every morning during weekdays and I try to say them on the weekends but since weekends I don’t really have a routine I sometimes forget. I am really kicked about the fact that I have now completely memorized the Glory Be prayer. Memory is not my strong point so it takes a while for things to click. I don’t think it should be too long till I am able to say all 3 prayers without reading them. I am already finishing my sentences as I’m reading them because I’ve read these prayers so many times now. It gives me great satisfaction knowing that everyday I pray and give thanks to the things I have in my life. I think prayer keep us humble and grounded human beings. I also take the time to wish that things in the future work out for me. It gives me time to focus on my short and long term goals. I have thought a lot about the fact that most of us tend to pray only when we need something and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to pray rain or shine.

One month left till we find out the status of Gojira’s visa!!! I predict the news will come early on in December since immigration will probably want to square away some of their work before Christmas. (I’m hoping!) I have a feeling same time next month I’ll have the results. I think they will be good. I will keep praying and have all body parts crossed :)

I have become conscious of my insecurities since I’ve been praying. I think some of my insecurities lie in the fact that I know I’m adopted and I was abandoned in an orphanage. I have a constant feeling of rejection which has festered inside of me for quite a while and I’m learning with my prayers to let go of it. I have a habit of taking my insecurities out on the people surrounding me by doubting their feelings, actions, etc. to be genuine towards me. I won’t lie. it has affected my relationships with my immediate family and my relationships with others in the present and past. I guess with Gojira whether he is aware of this insecurity or not, he always puts me in my place. I mean that in a good way.  He always knows how to shut me up when my insecurity comes out in the way I talk and give me his genuine insight and tell me when I’m going wrong. Because we listen to each other we get over most of our arguments fairly quickly.  I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone who’s really listened to me and it means a lot. I was not conscious of this insecurity I had until pretty recently. Through prayer I am learning to handle it and overcome it.

the dark by *sandara on deviantART

Yes I was adopted and essentially saved from a life of extreme poverty… I was adopted by supportive parents who have provided me everything I could ever need while growing up and even now. but it’s hard to explain the pain of knowing my real parents abandoned me. Maybe they did it for my own good because they knew they could not give me a proper life but I think its been hard to overcome because I’ve not really had the parent child bond I’ve seen everyone else experiencing. Maybe this resentment has made me feel so neglected. I know it sounds petty but I can’t help the way I feel. It could also be the reason why I feel so passionate about having children. To fulfill that bond I’ve never had. I plan to have my own children for sure and possibly adopt. But lately with my prayers that I say everyday I feel healed of this insecurity and feeling of abandonment. I feel a bond forming with God and more importantly with Our Lady of Perpetual Help, which is what Mother Mary is known as. I feel like she’s picked me up and taken me under her wing. She is gradually filling the holes in me day by day and I no longer feel so angry or sad about what I am and where I came from. It’s just another reason for me to believe in the power of faith and prayer.  I feel like I’ve hit another level in my spiritual journey and it keeps me motivated. I don’t feel so alone and lost anymore and it has given me the confidence to step forward with my feet firmly on the ground.

The Power Of Prayer…

Today is only Tuesday and I’m feeling so much better from the weekend. Yeah the weekend for the most part was horrifying for me because dad and I butted heads again. So besides carving my Halloween pumpkin it was not a pretty experience.. But things are better and I truly do believe that by praying they have gotten better. I try not to let a day end without reciting at least 4 Our Father’s, 4 Hail Mary’s and 4 Glory Be’s, along with the Storm Novena the Novena To Our Lady Of Perpetual Help and The Memorare. It sounds like a lot but it takes just about 15 minutes of my day. I feel like our house has had a storm cloud over it with the kind of negativity and fighting and stuff that’s been happening. I admit I made it worse by losing my temper last Monday and my family and I are still recovering from that fight. But today it finally dissipated. As I was getting ready for work and came downstairs to make my lunch my dad just out of the blue in the calmest of tones apologized to me and told me that he was wrong. I honestly don’t want to get into the details of our issues but it felt good that miraculously the problem was gone. Today also my hands were itching to find out more information about the K1 visa process since waiting has made me so impatient and while I was googling I came across a statistic that said they have a 95% approval rate. You have no idea how comforting that is during this time of struggle. It’s like I’m getting these little gifts out of thin air.

Ever since that fight with my family I have learned to be more humble.I realize I’ve been complaining a lot, maybe unconsciously venting because of my frustration of waiting for Gojira to come here but I still have a lot to be grateful about. I’m taking an active approach to thinking about the positive and thinking about what I have in my life to be happy about instead of focusing on the negative. Over the last couple of months I’ve tried my best to incorporate a few of the activities and hobbies I enjoy in my spare time to keep me busy and happy. But like I read in someone’s blog recently, being on the computer eats up more time than you realize and you end up finishing very little of what you planned in your day. I’ve now created a time table for myself so that I can have enough time to paint/draw, read, and do some soul searching. Many years ago, (about 4 to 5 to be exact) I came across a random website which had topics and challenges on a daily basis and people uploaded their artwork based upon it. It had so many interesting ideas and it was very inspiring. But I lost the link and could never manage to find it again :( Today I went browsing again and I either found the website or I’ve found something really damn close and it made me so happy (see what I mean about the power of prayer? a lost website suddenly found… that’s like picking out a needle from a haystack! :D) Here is the link to it. If you click on the tab “Challenges” and select “2D Drawing Jams” you will see some pretty cool stuff.  Like for example one of the topics was T-Rex vs. Cute fluffy animal and people submitted their drawings and voted for the best.

source: http://cghub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3952

I was really impressed with the winner of that one. it’s so creative. This is what I eventually work up to. To practice coming up with cool concepts and drawing things I’m not used to. Maybe I might not win but the best part of this is that people of all levels of drawing skill comment and submit and its a really healthy positive environment to be a part of. My first step is going to be to start drawing and sketching. Maybe I’ll post some up as I get regular with it. As a part of my soul searching effort I’ve borrowed this book from the library called “101 Exercises For The Soul” by Dr. Bernie Siegel but I never take the time out to read it and do some of those exercises.

I’ve decided by scheduling it into my time table I will be able to do that and more. Let’s see how it goes. I was really looking forward to drawing out a birthday card for my Gojira but it turns out there’s more of a chance that it won’t reach him so I’m not allowed to send him anything :( that really sucks. Maybe I’ll draw it and scan it so he can view it on his birthday. I’m kind of happy that my family vacation to Tahiti is not coinciding with his birthday because then I’ll be able to chat with him and call him up on his birthday :) I know he hates celebrating it but that’s the least I can do. I will say one thing. This is the last miserable birthday he has. When he’s here with me next year we’re going to have such a blast he won’t be able to contain his happiness.. Just wait and see :) anyways here are my pumpkin carving pictures.. enjoy :) this light is turned off..

Warning: Spiritual Journey In Progress

Gojira called to  my attention that people may find it offensive or give me slack for the number of spiritual posts regarding the novenas I’ve put up recently. I just wanted to say that I am going through a spiritual journey right now. I am in the process of finding my spiritual soul and converting from Hindu to Catholic. You may like, dislike or not really care but I just wanted to make it clear that it’s not my intention to convert or save anyone but I’m merely sharing what I’m going through at the moment and maybe even figure out where I’m heading. Many of the novenas I recite require me to share them so I thought my blog was the best place for that.  i strongly believe that saving is something only you can do to yourself in whatever belief you see fit. whether it’s christianity, islam, buddhism, hinduism that’s up to you and God to decide. It is my hope that I can be a true believer of the Catholic faith because I think that’s what’s best for me and my plan ahead. Gojira is a Catholic and has in no way forced me to be anything I am not. After having lengthy discussions on this subject I decided I would become a Catholic. it is obvious that changing a religion is not something one can do overnight. It takes time a lot of thought and understanding to believe and follow. I am going through this process as we speak and I hope everyone will respect that. This light is turned off…

Novena To Our Lady Of Perpetual Help

(For troubling times)

NOVENA TO OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL HELP

O Mother of Perpetual Help, behold me, a miserable sinner at thy feet. I have recourse to thee and put my trust in thee. O Mother of Mercy, have pity upon me, I hear thee called by all, the refuge and the hope of sinners, be then my refuge and my hope. Help me for the love of Jesus Christ; stretch forth thy hand to me, a poor sinner, who recommend and dedicate myself to thee, as thy perpetual servant. I bless and thank God, for, having in his Mercy given me this confidence in Thee, the pledge, as I believe, of my eternal salvation. Alas, too often in past times have I miserably fallen, because I had not recourse to thee, I know that with thy help I shall conquer. I know that thou will help me, if I recommend myself to thee, but I fear lest in the occasion of falling, I should cease to call upon thee, and, so should lose my soul. This then is the grace I
seek from thee, and I beg of thee, as far as I know how and can, to obtain it for me, namely, in the assaults of hell, always to have recourse to thee and to say to thee; O Mary, help me, Mother of Perpetual Help, suffer me not to lose my God. Amen.

The Flying Novena or Storm Novena

INFANT BABY JESUS OF PRAGUE NOVENA
*AKA THE STORM NOVENA OR THE FLYING NOVENA*

This Novena is also known as The Storm Novena or The Flying Novena because you are “storming the heavens” with your prayers. This is a “Storm Novena” for urgent needs. You should ideally say this Novena for for 9 hours or 9 days consecutively. If you choose to do this for 9 hours recite the Novena at the top of each hour for 9 consecutive hours. You are supposed to share the Novena so I decided to post it here for all to see:

Jesus, You said, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your holy Mother, I knock, I seek. I ask that my prayer be granted. (*state your request here*) Jesus, You said, “All that you ask of the Father in My name, He will grant you.”
Through the intercession of Mary, Your holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Your Father in Your name that my prayer be granted. (*state your request here*) Jesus, You said. “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My word shall not pass.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted. (*state your request here*)
I prostrate myself before Thy Holy Image, O most gracious Infant Jesus, to offer thee my most fervant thanks for the blessings Thou hast bestowed upon me. I shall incessantly praise Thine ineffable mercy and confess that Thou alone art my God, my Helper and my Protector. Henceforth, my entire confidence shall be placed in Thee! Everywhere, I shall proclaim aloud Thy mercy and generosity, so that Thy great Love and the great deeds which Thou dost perform through this miraculous image may be acknowledged by all. May devotion to Thy Holy Infancy increase more and more in the hearts of all Christians, and may all who experience Thine assistance persevere with me in showing unceasing gratitude to Thy Most Holy Infancy, to which be praise and glory forever. Amen. Thank you, Infant Baby Jesus of Prague and the Sacred Heart of Jesus for granting my request. I will always be dedicated to You Dear Jesus and have faith that You will always be by my side. Your faithful
servant (*state your name*)