today being the 28th of october makes me happy because this god foresaken month will be finally over. There’s something about October which makes me feel like its jinxed.. like the bad luck is out and about and i think negatively because of the people in my past associated with this month. Makes sense considering the idea of Halloween originated from driving away evil spirits with jack o’lanterns and scary costumes. But I do try to “drive away the bad spirits of my past” by focusing on the good things about this month like making pumpkin pie, carving a pumpkin, drinking apple cider, giving out candy to trick or treaters and dressing up in costume.. By this weekend October will be over which basically means 2 months left till I find out the status of Gojira’s fiance visa. It’s hard waiting and being so patient.I just want him to be here already so we can begin our life together and tune out the rest of the world. I actually am hoping it will be less than 2 months since they filed our petition in the 2nd week of july and i think that would mean we would receive a letter around that time in december.. but i will give them the benefit of the doubt and guess it might just take the end of the month to send out the paperwork.. then after that it will be wishing and praying and hoping that his interview goes well.. i think this waiting has taken a toll on me and so the other day i had an emotional breakdown which led to a nasty spat with my sister and it eventually got my parents involved. I do admit I was to blame for letting my temper boil over. But I’ve apologized because I said a lot of things in anger. Gojira keeps reminding me of his dad’s philosophy which is “ice on your head and sugar on your tongue” its so simple and yet so meaningful. ive promised that i wont let my temper get the best of me again. in fact last night it was put to the test and i just walked away instead of letting my temper flare. i know i was right and justified but i am in no position to speak my mind and say what i feel to the people that instigate me unncessarily. One day I will be in the position to either not care or be free enough to say what I feel. Dads wants me to sit with him and sort the issues out with him on saturday but if he brings it up again im going to respectfully decline.
Mom just told me that she doesnt think it would make sense for me to have a reception in Buffalo when I get to that stage because she feels that her friends only know my sister and not me so she said I should have it in California. You would think a parent would be proud to introduce her new son in law and daughter off to her friends whether they’ve met or not but I took the news calmly and didn’t show my disappointment. I honestly would have loved to have a reception in Buffalo so I could invite the few family friends and friends who I’ve grown up with that mattered the most to me. Now I’m seriously thinking in my head that I just dont want a US reception at all. It’s better not to fight about it and feel disappointed. I definitely don’t want anything in California because none of my friends are here? So I’ll have my Catholic ceremony in India and I’ll focus on that wedding because I know that’s where I’m going to be seriously overwhelmed with happiness. For one thing Gojira and I would be planning it together and most of my friends are in India. But at the same time I’m going to invite a very select few. In fact the select few I made a list to invite I’ve narrowed that down even more. I’m also questioning whether I will invite all family members that live in India since most of them meet me like once in a year or 3 years and don’t really care to interact with me.most of them are not very nice to me except for a few exceptions. The question is should I be proper and invite them as per tradition and respect or just think about myself? I have quite a lot of thinking to do on that subject. but it is far away so its ok if i keep that problem on “layaway.”
This weekend I’m going to focus on working out, finishing my vampire book, reading some other books I borrowed from the library carving my pumpkin and baking some pumpkin cheesecake. I’m going to make it saturday morning when my sis comes over with her husband and father in law. i think they enjoy pumpkin so at least it will finish since mom and dad aren’t too crazy about pumpkin made anything. I have to go home today and make hummus also since I have an office party tomorrow. And of course braid my hair.. for my gypsy look.. ok blah im going.. this light is turned off..