I donno why but I just love cooking and baking.. must be my womanly instincts coming out! my mom has never been much of a cooker. I mean she cooks but for the sole purpose of supplying our meals. She is not one of those people who enjoys being in the kitchen and experimenting… I think that has turned me into a baking/cooking whore.. So for all the baking/cooking whores out there.. this one’s for you :)
Yes Halloween is practically here and there’s always something or the other that requires some food preparation. could be a party or just bringing something special and Halloween themed into work, or maybe just to bring some Halloween fun into your house.. I was first thinking of making pumpkin pie but not everyone likes that and there are some that find it to be an overwhelming flavor. So i thought the most ideal thing to make would be pumpkin cheesecake. But I was surprised to find that on food network, ( my main source of finding recipes) they had no decent recipes for it. I mean there were plenty of Paula Deen recipes which would have enough fat/calories to induce a heart attack and a half but nothing for us normal people. lol.. (I know I’ve got a mean streak these days.. :P) But fortunately I found a great bunch of recipes on the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Website : http://www.kraftbrands.com/philly
(which is ironic considering Paula Deen represents them but anywho :S)
If you go to this website and enter in “pumpkin” in their recipe search you can browse through a number of pumpkin desserts. I made the Philadelphia 3-step double layer pumpkin cheesecake and it turned out phenomenal!! I found that the Philly site had lower calorie desserts that weren’t as fatty or complicated to make. If you guys make anything fun for Halloween let me know, holla, share what you made <3 This light is turned off..
today being the 28th of october makes me happy because this god foresaken month will be finally over. There’s something about October which makes me feel like its jinxed.. like the bad luck is out and about and i think negatively because of the people in my past associated with this month. Makes sense considering the idea of Halloween originated from driving away evil spirits with jack o’lanterns and scary costumes. But I do try to “drive away the bad spirits of my past” by focusing on the good things about this month like making pumpkin pie, carving a pumpkin, drinking apple cider, giving out candy to trick or treaters and dressing up in costume.. By this weekend October will be over which basically means 2 months left till I find out the status of Gojira’s fiance visa. It’s hard waiting and being so patient.I just want him to be here already so we can begin our life together and tune out the rest of the world. I actually am hoping it will be less than 2 months since they filed our petition in the 2nd week of july and i think that would mean we would receive a letter around that time in december.. but i will give them the benefit of the doubt and guess it might just take the end of the month to send out the paperwork.. then after that it will be wishing and praying and hoping that his interview goes well.. i think this waiting has taken a toll on me and so the other day i had an emotional breakdown which led to a nasty spat with my sister and it eventually got my parents involved. I do admit I was to blame for letting my temper boil over. But I’ve apologized because I said a lot of things in anger. Gojira keeps reminding me of his dad’s philosophy which is “ice on your head and sugar on your tongue” its so simple and yet so meaningful. ive promised that i wont let my temper get the best of me again. in fact last night it was put to the test and i just walked away instead of letting my temper flare. i know i was right and justified but i am in no position to speak my mind and say what i feel to the people that instigate me unncessarily. One day I will be in the position to either not care or be free enough to say what I feel. Dads wants me to sit with him and sort the issues out with him on saturday but if he brings it up again im going to respectfully decline.
Mom just told me that she doesnt think it would make sense for me to have a reception in Buffalo when I get to that stage because she feels that her friends only know my sister and not me so she said I should have it in California. You would think a parent would be proud to introduce her new son in law and daughter off to her friends whether they’ve met or not but I took the news calmly and didn’t show my disappointment. I honestly would have loved to have a reception in Buffalo so I could invite the few family friends and friends who I’ve grown up with that mattered the most to me. Now I’m seriously thinking in my head that I just dont want a US reception at all. It’s better not to fight about it and feel disappointed. I definitely don’t want anything in California because none of my friends are here? So I’ll have my Catholic ceremony in India and I’ll focus on that wedding because I know that’s where I’m going to be seriously overwhelmed with happiness. For one thing Gojira and I would be planning it together and most of my friends are in India. But at the same time I’m going to invite a very select few. In fact the select few I made a list to invite I’ve narrowed that down even more. I’m also questioning whether I will invite all family members that live in India since most of them meet me like once in a year or 3 years and don’t really care to interact with me.most of them are not very nice to me except for a few exceptions. The question is should I be proper and invite them as per tradition and respect or just think about myself? I have quite a lot of thinking to do on that subject. but it is far away so its ok if i keep that problem on “layaway.”
This weekend I’m going to focus on working out, finishing my vampire book, reading some other books I borrowed from the library carving my pumpkin and baking some pumpkin cheesecake. I’m going to make it saturday morning when my sis comes over with her husband and father in law. i think they enjoy pumpkin so at least it will finish since mom and dad aren’t too crazy about pumpkin made anything. I have to go home today and make hummus also since I have an office party tomorrow. And of course braid my hair.. for my gypsy look.. ok blah im going.. this light is turned off..
So I had been struggling to figure out if I want to dress up in costume for this Halloween.. I honestly didn’t feel up to it initially because it seriously is not as exciting with no friends around and Gojira not here. But then because of my office Halloween party which is apparently mandatory I decided to put some effort in figuring out a costume to wear. First I thought I’d dress up in a sari since its different and would say I’m a traditional Indian. but that’s lame and I donno it’s like cheating. At Michael’s I saw these cat ear hairbands so I figured worst comes to worst I don’t find a decent costume I’ll just dress up in black and wear the cat ears. But then I started thinking maybe I could be a pirate.. but then I didn’t have the eyepatch, the hat or the sword.. or the right shoes. I honestly want to avoid spending as much as possible. So then I started thinking what costume can I come up with without spending anything. That’s when I realized I could be a gypsy, I have plenty of beaded necklaces, anklets, colorful bangles and dangly tribal looking earrings. I have this cool bohemian spaghetti strap top that has all sorts of different Indian fabric sewn together with pretty sequins, lace and beads. I’m going to wear that with a skin tight, long sleeved, olive green shirt inside. (It’s cold outside, don’t wanna freeze my ass off!) and then I have a half patiala bottom which kinda looks like genie pants so I thought those look kinda gypsy. Theyre magenta pink which goes really well with the rest of my outfit. I also found hip chains which you actually wear on your cumber when dressed up in a sari but oh well.. the more clinky-chimey-jingle stuff i wear the more gypsy I’m going to look (and sound!) I’ve also got some nice kohl that I can wear and kinda extend on the sides of my eyes to make it gypsy ish.. maybe I’ll do the traditional three dots on my chin like traditional women do. I also have a colorful batik scarf which I’m going to wrap around my head. Now when I go home I’ve got to hunt through my mom’s closet to find comfortable but interesting shoes I can wear with it.
My coworker was sweet enough to bring in a skirt I could wear if I wanted. I’m going to go home and try it on to see if it goes and if it fits. But to the best of my ability without being rude I’m going to try to avoid using it because I didn’t expect her to offer me one because I was originally looking to wear a long skirt as a part of my costume and then decided to wear the genie pants. Hmm… She’s a tall women so maybe it will be too long and I can use that as an excuse so she won’t get her feelings hurt. Either way I’m excited I have my costume all put together. I will definitely take pics to put up.. and of course of my pumpkin carving. I’ve decided to do 2 carvings. one on each side of the pumpkin. (It’s big enough to contain 2 different carvings) I’m going to try and do both of the designs I discussed in my Halloween fever post.
Some people in my office are planning to dress up as Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs for Halloween. Since there are so many of them they are going to have doubles of characters.
But it makes me roll my eyes in my head because these people never asked any of us (my team) to join them. The high school mentality just continues for some people. The “popular” “cool kids” never including everyone in their grand plans. They enjoy making others feel left out and the idea that they are so much better than the rest. These same cheerleaders and snobs that were in high school have grown up to rear their children in the same mentality therefore making sure there are plenty of teens who experience a miserable high school. It’s a vicious cycle if you ask me. In the news there’s all this hype about bullying going on. With the recent hike in the number of teen suicides due to bullying, I’m so glad people are spreading awareness and making sure to prevent incidents from occurring. But how many people are guilty of just plain neglecting their peers? I’m sure there are plenty of kids out there like me who weren’t bullied as much as ignored in high school. I think it falls in the same realm. To make a person feel invisible. To feel not good enough to sit at their tables at lunch just because I didn’t wear Ambercrombie & Fitch and American Eagle and because I wasn’t a cheerleader just is seriously pathetic. I’m not saying all of them were like that but most of them were. You’ve got to be genuine and heartfelt to be motivated enough to get to know the quiet kid who sits in the back corner of the classroom or make the last person picked in gym class to feel like they weren’t left behind but it was just a matter of chance. There are so many people that can make the effort to make everyone feel included but it’s easier to just ignore problems. It’s a shame that people “grow up” about communicating and interacting with their peers only when they hit college. But what people don’t realize is that the damage has already been done with all of primary and high school being one lonely existence. One of my very good friends from high school was valedictorian and came from a rich family. I appreciate that she didn’t judge me for the brands that I wore. I’m not saying my family wasn’t rich. We were upper middle class and my family gave me a lot of things to be grateful and proud of. But they didn’t understand the importance of clothing and brand names and being popular and couldn’t grasp my sadness of not fitting in. This whole experience has made me passionate about making sure that when I have children and they start going to school, I will make sure they fit in by giving them what they want to wear. But at the same time I will make sure that they behave like my friend who was friends with everyone no matter what they wore. I hope this high school mentality disappears along the with the bullying. More psychologists and behavior specialists need to be brought into high schools to have workshops with children to give them a chance to remove the walls they’ve put up around themselves and to see everyone for they are and to respect and appreciate everyone in their class. It’s a far off dream but by doing so we would no longer have the need to classify students and peers as “nerds,” “jocks,” “popular,” “losers” and so forth. It would make the experience of high school a lot less stressful for our youth. anyways im done with my rambling for today. this light is turned off.
So Gojira’s birthday is coming up.. I’m so excited and I know it’s never a day he looks forward to but I cant resist the urge to try and make it special and celebrate it in the best way I know how. First I was thinking a Tool tshirt or some sort of Tool clothing. Here are some of my favorite Tool tshirt prints:
(damn this dress is hot, i want)
But then I thought there will always be Tool tshirts. It’s the limited edition Tool merchandise that I need to focus on, which later maybe 10 years down the line will be rare to find. A while back I had seen these Revolver magazines that were featuring Tool on their cover and I was planning on getting them and then suddenly after searching for them I couldn’t find them. I completely freaked out. I googled and googled and it seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Internet. I began thinking maybe they had sold all their copies and they had removed that magazine for sale. The fact that I couldn’t remember which magazine cover they were featured on made the search all the more difficult. But somehow I finally found it again and they were indeed still there.. and may I add, waiting to be bought by some diehard Tool fan :P So I didn’t lose my chance and got them for his birthday. I ordered it and they will be coming by the end of this week :D I’m so happy and excited. There are 2 different Tool covers and so I ordered both. Here are some awesome sneak previews of the magazine they were featured on:
Isn’t it hawt.. <3 Can’t wait till it comes in the mail so I can take play-by-play pictures of opening the package and the magazine itself. if the magazine is sealed in plastic I might just leave it for Gojira to open when he comes here.. But obviously this is not enough to make it speshul…:P I want to pamper him and make him happy.. If he was here I would have baked him a Tool inspired birthday cake… This girl did one which I found while browsing but I think I could do a way better job.. I will try next year hopefully :) If you’re interesting in following this tutorial to make your own Tool cake you can do so here.
This is the interesting thing about fate.. I had no idea what the 2nd gift I was getting Gojira for his birthday. Day before yesterday I was looking for a Tool logo on Google Images and it showed a pendant of one of the Tool eyes. I almost jumped out of my skin in excitement. It is so hot and so damn classy. And its the same eye he has tattoed on his arm.. I put my order in for it today :D and its got the signature of Alex Grey impressed on the back.
When I clicked on the image of the pendant it led me to this cool website selling a bunch of Alex Grey and Tool merchandise. I so badly wanted to get him the Vicarious DVD signed by Alex Grey himself but it turns out his brother already got him that same DVD last month.
I like Alex Grey’s work. But I get shivers down my spine from the rush of looking at Cam De Leon’s artwork. Alex Grey, Cam De Leon and Peter Westermann are my ultimate favorite artists of all time. These are few of my favorite pieces…When I get settled down I will adorn the walls of my home with their artwork.. I can so envision it..
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
cam de leon's
Speaking of Tool, since when did a department stores like JCPenney start selling unconventional items like a Tool shirt? It shocked the daylights out of me yesterday when I saw this.. weird.. You have to see this to believe it…
anyways its a good deal too good to pass up so I’m going to call the nearest one to my house and ask them if they have any available. Wish me luck that they have them in stock..!! This light is turned off…
I visited the library day before yesterday and found a book to satiate my craving for vampire novels. Ever since I have finished reading the Twilight saga I am really feeling lost in terms of what to replace the void with. It’s been quite some time since I finished the books but I do miss the excitement and anticipation of Twilight. It doesn’t help that I’m a sucker for a good love story. haha i sound so desperate but I truly enjoyed the Twilight saga. Every single book and every single movie I’ve seen so far. I’ve only seen Twilight and New Moon in terms of the movies and I thought that the characters and plot of the books were followed to a T.
In my opinion it’s very rare that the director follows the book so closely. I was very satisfied. But it’s unfortunate that people behave like trolls when it comes to fads like Twilight. They like to criticize more than appreciate. Since they are miserable and cynical about life they like to ruin when people express their enjoyment over it. That is why we have Twilight haters. I can understand if you’re not into it. Just don’t choose to read it. But why do you have to ridicule and hate it and those who are enjoying it? I’m seriously considering reading the whole series again just for kicks and maybe it will help pass the time till Gojira comes.
Not really short of reading material to be honest but it would give me something to romanticize about and the books are quite big hence would occupy my mind for some months at least. Anywho so I visited the new books section of the library like I always do. (I just love how they have the most random books in this section.. I discover quite a few literature gems there. ) I was skimming through the books when I came across the book 23 Hours. It’s about a vampire slayer who lands in a women’s prison and finds out there is a vampire in there making victims of the prison mates. I thought the concept was interesting and I’m even more excited about the plot as I started reading it during lunch today. Will let you all know how it turns out…
While I was reading it I came across the phrase “thinning the herd” and I just loved the concept of it. I love phrases and words that elicit imagery. It could have nothing to do with what they’re describing but its got to make me think of something and see a strong picture in my head. Feelings like these give me the hope that I will be a reputable author someday. I really hope to concoct some phenomenal story I can be proud to publish that readers can devour. Yes I have crappy grammar and I’m lazy about using correct english. But I think when I finally come up with the right story, I will be able to hire people to do the dirty work. Anyways the phrase “thinning the herd” made me think of the Serengeti in Africa with a herd of wildebeests thinning as they migrate. In the book it was referred to as a fight mechanism in which you thin the mob to fight them one at a time in order to avoid being jumped by all of them at once. It will be interesting to see how this book turns out. So far it’s gripping enough for me to wonder when the next break I’m going to have so I can continue reading. This light is turned off..
I’m so excited about being in the US after being out of the country for 5 years because now I’m finally here to celebrate Halloween after not getting to for so long!! I used to get so damn homesick during this time of year when I was abroad. I bought a pumpkin this past weekend to carve and I’ve been browsing the interesting and fun designs on the Internet. I can’t wait till next saturday when I’ll get the chance to roll up my sleeves and gut that pumpkin :D When I was checking out the halloween stuff at Rite-Aid I saw this pumpkin carver kit that was so hawt. but right now I’m trying to save every penny and to spend $7 on something I’ll use only once a year seemed frivolous to me… but I still wanted it!! so i did the next best thing.. I headed over to the trusty 99¢ store nearby and found one there. It came with a crappy scooper and this little light up thing you can place inside the pumpkin and the carver is not electric but i think the blade is the most essential part of carving because it will allow me to create those intricate designs that I need to pull off. I think its also important to poke out your design first (outline the design with a series of connect the dot holes so its easier to control the cut/blade.)
I have sharp tiny skewers which I’m going to use for that process. While I was browsing the web I was curious to see if anyone had ever done a Tool inspired pumpkin and I actually did find one!! Hats off to this artist. I just loved it..
For my pumpkin I’ve planned to use one of the following designs…
I’m more keen to do the first design cuz i think a pumpkin carving would look so hot like that.. or what the hell maybe if i’m feeling extra festive i’ll do both. one on each side.. it all depends on my carving skills.. and how easy it will be… My coworker was so sweet she actually got my colleagues and I nice little baby pumpkins to put on our desk. I took mine home yesterday so my big pumpkin had a baby for company. lol.. Anyways here all the pumpkin carving designs that I thought were cool..
twitter fail whale pumpkin
pumpkin pi! (that one i picked specially for u gojira) :)
simple and cute
spiral out pumpkin
beautifully evil pumpkin
the nightmare before christmas pumpkin
nother’ nightmare before christmas pumpkin
pac man pumpkin
evil dead pumpkin
simple and evil
smiley emoticon pumpkin
so what are all of you doing for halloween? anyone have any idea of what they’re carving? can’t wait till Gojira is here for next halloween so we can carve one together.. what about costumes.. I’m still perplexed as to what I’ll be dressing up as.. not sure yet if I will or not.. let’s see.. This light is turned off.
edit: i forgot to add the twilight pumpkin.. i am a diehard fan.. so i just cant complete this entry without one so here it is <3 :D
I’m honestly in a blah mood.. yeah i know what’s new.. but I can’t help it.. maybe its partially the fault of this rainy gloomy weather.. i just can’t help but think im slowly losing a grip over my optimism.. i donno how to deal with my own pessimism and mood swings let alone gojira’s. i hate my life right now.. i hate being alone.. i hate feeling like im doing this on my own… i wasn’t going to blog cuz i was in such a bad mood maybe more cuz gojira didn’t come online to chat with me when he usually does and it was a short snappy conversation before i went to bed last night.. ive stopped trying to figure out whether its cuz he’s mad at me for the trillionth time or just busy having a peaceful evening. if i ask i get yelled at. so ive decided to just forget asking anyone anything. thought twice and said maybe continuing to blog is my only hope of sorting through my issues.. i pray hoping for some relief from the stress and that the outcome will be positive but i honestly am not going to know till i get there. I’ve been so depressed I didn’t even work out this weekend.. I usually wait for the chance to work out but even that I’ve sort of neglected again and stopped caring about. I’m going to try and start again today but who knows. Tomorrow will make it 10 more days till November. I’m not even looking forward to my vacation in November I am just really confused and scared right now. Yes Tahiti one of mankind’s heavens on earth.. but is it really going to be that enjoyable when my family who I can’t get along with are with me.. is it going to a week of hell or a week of peace… god only knows.. ill be sure to carry plenty of books so i dont have to be as social. when i’m social with them that’s where my problems begin. I’m not going to expect anything. then only do i have the hopes of having a decent vacation. when u expect something that’s when u experience disappointment. So far my trips to Las Vegas, Kenya, sucked because of the clashes I had with my family. Egypt they made me cry on the cruise ship and my dad started yelling at me more for crying in front of everyone. Cancun was alright but again things were said about how I’m this or that.. I feel bullied by my family and it scares me to be in close proximity with them.. They’re nice to me in very short phases.. so its hard to trust them and relax even when they are behaving and nice towards me. Everyday on Facebook I see people getting engaged, married, having babies, enjoying pregnancy, and I feel so passionately envious. I know it sounds so ugly and mean of me to say.. I do wish all of them the very very best but I feel bad that I’m not doing those things yet. When will my turn come? How long is it going to take till I get to sing about my happiness and be in a perpetual bliss?.. sigh..This light is turned off..
Gojira called to my attention that people may find it offensive or give me slack for the number of spiritual posts regarding the novenas I’ve put up recently. I just wanted to say that I am going through a spiritual journey right now. I am in the process of finding my spiritual soul and converting from Hindu to Catholic. You may like, dislike or not really care but I just wanted to make it clear that it’s not my intention to convert or save anyone but I’m merely sharing what I’m going through at the moment and maybe even figure out where I’m heading. Many of the novenas I recite require me to share them so I thought my blog was the best place for that. i strongly believe that saving is something only you can do to yourself in whatever belief you see fit. whether it’s christianity, islam, buddhism, hinduism that’s up to you and God to decide. It is my hope that I can be a true believer of the Catholic faith because I think that’s what’s best for me and my plan ahead. Gojira is a Catholic and has in no way forced me to be anything I am not. After having lengthy discussions on this subject I decided I would become a Catholic. it is obvious that changing a religion is not something one can do overnight. It takes time a lot of thought and understanding to believe and follow. I am going through this process as we speak and I hope everyone will respect that. This light is turned off…
I’m sitting in the car on the way to Long Beach to drop my grandmother to the airport.. her visit has been an experience of ups and downs so its a bittersweet feeling seeing her go.. im happy and sad at the same time.. happy to get my room back and know that my house will be a little dramatic with one less person to butt heads with.. and sad that i won’t have her around to spend time with.. i honestly feel bad for her.. 5 yrs ago her husband (my grandfather) passed away. i don’t know how she goes on living life without him.. she must feel so alone..
Anyways… not used to waking up so early on a Saturday but it’s oddly refreshing to sit in the car and watch the fog kissing the valleys as we cruise along the highway.. The fog has nestled into the concave of the valley like a newborn puppy feeling its way closer to the warmth of its mother’s body. in the cloudy about to rain kind of weather it makes you think of wearing warm snuggly sweaters, boots and a have a special hand to hold on to while u sit by the fireplace and brew apple cider or put tiny little marshmallows in a steaming cup of cocoa. yes my mind wanders far off while I sit in the car. It helps distract me from the idea of being confined in a small place. Music definitely helps elevate the sense of being somewhere far away from where I actually am.. With Madonna’s “Vogue” playing on the radio I can’t help but feel wowed by the number of years she’s not only sustained in the music industry but been on the top of the charts. Even the most tom boyish girl will feel the female empowerment emanating from this song.
Vogue magazine must take so much pride in this song. I can so picture them using this song for all of their events and PR related programs. I would if I owned Vogue. Madonna has been the queen of pop because of how successfully she reinvents herself each time she comes out with an album. She has used religion and culture to express herself and reveal her inner soul and journey. you can actually see her story/journey if u analyze all her albums consecutively…
her young experimental, rebellious, wild n’ sassy years…
her motherly instincts kicking in with her album full of soft calming lullaby like songs…
turning 50, showing the world she’s still the sexy diva we all know her to be.
Moving forward… I always end up loathing the idea of spending my weekend in Long Beach. It just makes it even more obvious how self centered my family is. Everyone’s doing their own thing while they hang out together. You would think its impossible but they prove that it’s not. I feel like im there but im invisible. I think maybe a sentence or two is said in my direction and otherwise I’m just tuned out like the traffic and pollution. They think that not talking about something will make it go away. Not feeling too hot right now considering I am currently having another episode of hives. I’ve come to realize that they could be very well because of the dog hair. Because after spending half hour an hr in my sister’s aparment i started breaking out in hives. I take Claritin for my hives but as soon as I get them I start a rapid of cycle of uneasiness and and feeling horribly feverish and weak throughout the whole day. After leaving the apartment on our way to JC Penney’s my sister realized the pants she was about to return were covered in dog hair so she proceeded to dust them off in the car in spite of me asking her to wait till we reached so she could dust them outside the car. I didn’t want the dog hair to aggravate my already progressing hives but she didn’t care. She’s such a friggin bitch i tell you. When we got to JC Penney’s we went around the department store looking for jeans that fit her (haha @her thinking she could fit her piggy ass into a size 3) I’ve got a healthy build for my height and even I don’t fit into a size 3. Her husband didn’t want to be there so he decided to lie down on the floor and crawl underneath the display cases growling at my mom and sister as they sifted through the jeans. I’m appalled that my sister is okay with this kind of behavior and my mother doesn’t say a thing either. I’m definitely not going to be anywhere around when my sister wakes up one day and realizes what a dick he is. He basically walks all over them by behaving in this ridiculous way and they don’t even realize it. What a pity. I took a walk so I didn’t have to be seen with them. By this time my hives were so bad my skin felt like it was crawling in spite of the fact that I had just taken a Claritin. I guess with my allergies getting this bad I have an excuse not to step into her dirty house again and I will refrain from making visits. I’ll hang out with her when she comes down to my parent’s house for the weekend. I also should mention that we were supposed to take their clean laundry over but their clean laundry having done one cycle in the washer and dryer was still smelling dirty.. yes filthy… Their laundry was so dirty it needed to be done twice. :| that’s so gross i can’t even wrap my head around it. my nose feels violated for having smelled that. I think my allergies are bad enough without living in their filthy house. That’s part of the reason I chose to back out of the garba plan for this weekend. I didn’t want to live in their filthy house even if it’s just for the weekend. oh and her friend N who keeps hitting on me and finding every occasion to be informal and touchy feely with me.. the one she swore she would never hang out with again was apparently invited for Garba. and all her friends backed out so it was just her and him going for it. haha.. she conveniently decided to not tell me that N was invited too.. I am venting I know.. but I just can’t stand this bullshit. She knows I feel uncomfortable around him and yet she still chose to invite him. I’m so so relieved I made the right decision of backing out of the plans to go to garba with her. I think my weekends will go by tension free if I stop visiting Long Beach. I’m invisible anyways so there’s no point in going there just to fall ill from all the filth she seems to live in…this light is turned off.
O Mother of Perpetual Help, behold me, a miserable sinner at thy feet. I have recourse to thee and put my trust in thee. O Mother of Mercy, have pity upon me, I hear thee called by all, the refuge and the hope of sinners, be then my refuge and my hope. Help me for the love of Jesus Christ; stretch forth thy hand to me, a poor sinner, who recommend and dedicate myself to thee, as thy perpetual servant. I bless and thank God, for, having in his Mercy given me this confidence in Thee, the pledge, as I believe, of my eternal salvation. Alas, too often in past times have I miserably fallen, because I had not recourse to thee, I know that with thy help I shall conquer. I know that thou will help me, if I recommend myself to thee, but I fear lest in the occasion of falling, I should cease to call upon thee, and, so should lose my soul. This then is the grace I seek from thee, and I beg of thee, as far as I know how and can, to obtain it for me, namely, in the assaults of hell, always to have recourse to thee and to say to thee; O Mary, help me, Mother of Perpetual Help, suffer me not to lose my God. Amen.
"I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.." ~TOOL