I’m feeling so low today… Tomorrow I have to go with my aunt who is getting a curretine done. A curretine is a surgical procedure where a female patient is given anesthetic and the lining of her uterus is scraped. My aunt is almost touching 70 yrs old.. I think it’s the Indian mentality and her generation that is scared of doctors that has gotten her into this mess.. They don’t like seeing doctors… They don’t believe in checkups… They stay away from hospitals unless its absolutely necessary.. Apparently she went for a checkup finally and she had been keeping mum about the fact that she was spotting for over a year… She finally told the doctor but the doctor feels she’s actually probably spotted for somewhere close to 3 or 4 years. This is not a good symptom to have for a woman above 60… and then to suffer from it for a couple of years is just horrifying to think about… Spotting is usually a sign of a cyst.. My cousin’s friend who’s above 40 recently suffered from spotting and had to get a hysterectomy to get her uterus removed.. To think my aunt has been quietly sitting on this condition for years just blows my mind..
She’s so used to keeping quiet and suffering whatever befalls her… she’s conditioned herself to do that and so now she’s actually probably sealed her fate… If its cancerous it could have spread quite a bit… If she had spoken earlier there are so many procedures that can remove the cancer and give her more healthy years of her life… I don’t know what to think at this moment… 2 out of the 3 doctors have said its most probably malignant. Only after the curretine is done and sent to be analysed will they find out if its malignant or not. I told my mom about it who’s a breast cancer survivor. She said the symptoms don’t sound good and she’s probably got 3 to 6 months to live… I don’t want to think negative but its sad and scary to think about what can happen if we ignore our health or what our body is trying to tell us when there’s something wrong.. I’m just praying she doesn’t suffer and we have good news… some miracle… My aunt is not a happy person… I’ve noticed it for some years now… she’s the type of person who forces herself to step out of the house to get the weekly groceries… but she hates it… she hates stepping out of the house… she has not enthusiasm left for life… everything is stressful… always in a cranky uptight mood… always tired…. its really sad that she’s not enjoying life… i feel bad for her actually… This is the woman who took care of me my first year I was born… Like a mother… My parents adopted me from Mumbai when I was 10 days old and according to legalities they couldn’t take me to the US until a year had passed… My parents had jobs to get back to so they left me in the care of my aunt… At the time my cousin was in college and she used to play with me and creep into my room and watch me sleep in my crib, and take me for walks in my pram… I think this is the reason I am so close to my cousin… After a year went by my parents came to take me… my cousin told me last year that when they took me she was so used to caring for me and loving me as a baby that she literally had a nervous breakdown after I went to the US… She cares about me a lot I guess even though she doesn’t show her love…Even my cousin has told me that my aunt (her mom) has never shown love in the ways that are expected… She’s never given kisses or hugs like other moms, or been affectionate as such… She’s uncomfortable getting touchy feely… But I know she does love even though she doesn’t show it.. my cousin agrees with me that she shows her love to all of us through her food.. she is a great cook… and loves cooking for family… I just hope that everything turns out ok… sigh… this light is turned off..
Currently listening to Dying Wish
Silent Enigma
By Anathema
