I’m feeling so low today… Tomorrow I have to go with my aunt who is getting a curretine done. A curretine is a surgical procedure where a female patient is given anesthetic and the lining of her uterus is scraped. My aunt is almost touching 70 yrs old.. I think it’s the Indian mentality and her generation that is scared of doctors that has gotten her into this mess.. They don’t like seeing doctors… They don’t believe in checkups… They stay away from hospitals unless its absolutely necessary.. Apparently she went for a checkup finally and she had been keeping mum about the fact that she was spotting for over a year… She finally told the doctor but the doctor feels she’s actually probably spotted for somewhere close to 3 or 4 years. This is not a good symptom to have for a woman above 60… and then to suffer from it for a couple of years is just horrifying to think about… Spotting is usually a sign of a cyst.. My cousin’s friend who’s above 40 recently suffered from spotting and had to get a hysterectomy to get her uterus removed.. To think my aunt has been quietly sitting on this condition for years just blows my mind..
She’s so used to keeping quiet and suffering whatever befalls her… she’s conditioned herself to do that and so now she’s actually probably sealed her fate… If its cancerous it could have spread quite a bit… If she had spoken earlier there are so many procedures that can remove the cancer and give her more healthy years of her life… I don’t know what to think at this moment… 2 out of the 3 doctors have said its most probably malignant. Only after the curretine is done and sent to be analysed will they find out if its malignant or not. I told my mom about it who’s a breast cancer survivor. She said the symptoms don’t sound good and she’s probably got 3 to 6 months to live… I don’t want to think negative but its sad and scary to think about what can happen if we ignore our health or what our body is trying to tell us when there’s something wrong.. I’m just praying she doesn’t suffer and we have good news… some miracle… My aunt is not a happy person… I’ve noticed it for some years now… she’s the type of person who forces herself to step out of the house to get the weekly groceries… but she hates it… she hates stepping out of the house… she has not enthusiasm left for life… everything is stressful… always in a cranky uptight mood… always tired…. its really sad that she’s not enjoying life… i feel bad for her actually… This is the woman who took care of me my first year I was born… Like a mother… My parents adopted me from Mumbai when I was 10 days old and according to legalities they couldn’t take me to the US until a year had passed… My parents had jobs to get back to so they left me in the care of my aunt… At the time my cousin was in college and she used to play with me and creep into my room and watch me sleep in my crib, and take me for walks in my pram… I think this is the reason I am so close to my cousin… After a year went by my parents came to take me… my cousin told me last year that when they took me she was so used to caring for me and loving me as a baby that she literally had a nervous breakdown after I went to the US… She cares about me a lot I guess even though she doesn’t show her love…Even my cousin has told me that my aunt (her mom) has never shown love in the ways that are expected… She’s never given kisses or hugs like other moms, or been affectionate as such… She’s uncomfortable getting touchy feely… But I know she does love even though she doesn’t show it.. my cousin agrees with me that she shows her love to all of us through her food.. she is a great cook… and loves cooking for family… I just hope that everything turns out ok… sigh… this light is turned off..
Currently listening to Dying Wish
Posted in Daily Life
Tagged affectionate, aunt, breast cancer, cancer, cousin, curretine, food, healthy, hospitals, ignore our health, love, miracle, scared of doctors, spotting, suffer, symptoms, taken care of me, uterus
Well I always feel bummed out not being in the US when it’s Halloween. I love cold apple cider (yes cold I don’t like heated up) and I love watching the leaves turn red and orange and then fall off the trees… I love how it starts getting chilly… the kind that’s too cold for just a shirt but too hot for a sweater… and you start seeing your breath in little clouds that quickly disappear as fast as they appeared.. carving pumpkins and roasting the seeds in the oven… putting a log on the fire and watching Halloween specials on TV… (this is east coast weather I’m talking about if you haven’t realized already.) Halloween is usually the last major holiday western new yorkers get to celebrate before the onset of snow… sometimes it snows on Halloween! But when it finally snows we don’t see the ground again until sometime in march or april so its a pretty big deal. I remember trick or treating as a kid, the thrill of going door to door till your pillowcase is dragging on the ground full of candy and your fingers are numb and ready to fall off from the cold… Then we’d go home and as the blood rushes back to our cheeks in rosy blushes we’d count our candy and organize it from favorite to least favorite… and convince our friends to trade for the prized candies we wanted more of… Then of course our parents would interrupt to check and make sure all our candy was safe to eat and unopened and then we’d continue our bartering and trading until our parents told us to get to bed… those were the good old days… haha… we’d always grumble when people gave us pennies, or tootsie rolls, no name un branded candy or hmmm bible booklets… lol…. but we’d be super happy and be overflowing with gratitude when some houses had the king sized candy bars and the good stuff to give out.. yeah, i’m talking bout the big guns…. mounds, twix, reese’s peanut butter cups, snickers, mallowcups, m&m’s and mars bars… The best part is when the halloween evening is wrapping to an end and people don’t want any leftovers and they just give it out by the handfuls… that’s when you’ve really hit the Halloween lottery.. haha… Let’s see during my halloween days I have been a skeleton, a cat, a cheerleader, scary spice (that was fun, my friends and I dressed up as the spice girls) and I think that’s it… that’s all I can remember….. Of course if I was in the US right now Id be too old for trick or treating but of course I’d make sure to have or go to a Halloween party or dress up to hand out candy to people who ring my doorbell! Anyways these are some costume ideas I would have gone with if I was there right now… I thought these were fun… Most of these pictures I got are from online costume websites. But I think half the fun is coming up with a costume you can put together yourself instead of buying it already put together. not to mention how expensive it is..
bumblebee…. cute right? talk about queen bee :P
french maid… dusting anyone? lol :P this reminds me of those who dunnit murder scenarios like clue junior… it would be fun to dress up as a french maid and have my guy dress up as hmmm… sherlock holmes? (couple costumes are so much funnnnn!!)
1920′s flapper girl…
boxer… yeah tough love…
geisha girl… love the idea of a kimono…
marilyn monroe.. sexy and flirty… (my guy could dress up as a baseball player and be joe dimaggio!!)
nurse… hahaha this nurse would be fun.. and reminds me of the nurse on that blink 182 album… my bf could dress up as one of the blink 182 singers… and considering they went buck naked on this album’s music video… he wont have much of a costume to deal with… lolll…. (he’d flip if i asked him to do something like that :P)
playboy bunny… my bf could be hugh hefner… nice silky bathrobe, slippers and a cigar.. and he’s good to go ;)
police officer… my bf could be my prisoner… lol…
sailor outfit.. cute right??
even an old fashioned costume like a witch could be fun to dress up in…
I don’t know why I’m infatuated with couple costumes… I guess I’ve never gotten the chance to dress up as a couple and I think that would be so cooll… hmmm…. This was so adorable… I showed this to my bf even he thought it was cool :P check it out below.. its like so dorky cute…hehe
My bf and I thought that if we were ever in the US during Halloween it would be fun if he dressed up as a pimp (Kat Williams style) and I could dress up as his hooker <3 true silly love i tell ya… hahaha. Now this couple’s costume I thought rocked the house… it’s so unique and creative… this is what Halloween is truly about…
Get it? Fire Fox! Yeah I knew you’d think it was pretty cool too…. Anyways… I’m done i guess.. Happy Halloween everyone!! Be safe!!! Hope you had fun reading… What do you plan to dress up as, or what would you dress up as if you could celebrate Halloween? This light is turned off…
Currently listening to
hmmm…. well for the past week ive been living with my cousin cuz she had some really bad backpain and found out it was slipped disc and so has been ordered by the doctor to not get out of bed. She’s not allowed to move much and since her husband and kids are also out of town I’ve been taking care of her and helping her out. I’m actually bugged with myself because with all the exercise and weight I’d lost recently I’ve gotten quite lazy staying here.. no proper schedule… so waking up whenever… haven’t worked out for at least the last 10 days… eating all the yummy sinful things in the world… I’m disappointed at my lack of self control… ugh… I’m honest to god looking forward to getting back to my apartment and living on my own and getting back into my own swing of things… waking up early exercising, eating healthy, working diligently, doing other stuff like yoga, making the time to write, reflect, spending time talking with my boyfriend… i just feel so flustered right now because theres nothing grounded in my life when i rotate around someone else’s schedule… i’m not lost i just feel like life is too busy for me and i need my space, peace and tranquility…
with diwali coming up and my cousin bed ridden I helped her do all the diwali shopping for the family.. I bought 8 salwar kameez fabrics, 20 saris, 2 dupattas, 1 kurta, 1 kurti, 3 skirts, 1 dhoti-kurta set, 1 double bed spread, 3 pairs of silver orissa filigree earrings, 4 curtains, and umm that’s about it..
I also wrapped all of it mind you and wrapped some shirts that my aunt had bought for some other relatives along with 2 sets of socks… shopping, wrapping and everything it was a fun hectic chaotic experience. Since I did all the shopping I got to pick out what I got for diwali.. instead of picking out a salwar kameez set which I really don’t wear often I decided to pick up a really pretty chikan work dupatta… chikan work is so delicate and pretty… chikan is a type of specialized embroidery from Lucknow. I picked out a pretty blue dupatta which I can even use as a shawl… I’ll take a pic of it when I get it but for now here’s an image so you get an idea of what chikan work looks like….
Anyways I’m exhausted after all that diwali shopping so this is where I disappear. This light is turned off.
Currently listening to Vegetable
Posted in Holidays & Special Events
Tagged apartment, chikan, diwali, diwali shopping, earrings, kurta, orissa filigree, salwar kameez, sari shopping, saris, silver, slipped disc, tranquility, yoga