well i was so busy celebrating Diwali and finishing up end of the month work that I didn’t get a chance to write much lately…. a very annoying feeling when all you want is peace and quiet and the chance to write down whatever you want. I had two events I went to for Diwali. Honestly if it was up to me I’d like to be at home watching tv and ordering in chinese or something. I was not really in the family festive mood especially with all this family shit going on. The good news is after I secretly emailed my dad and told him everything that was going on he managed to convince my uncle to come visit him to get away from all the drama. My uncle’s been pretty depressed and sad and crying about his oldest daughter (my cousin) whos decided to seperate from her husband. I just found out the other day one of the reasons thats influencing her to make this decision and its something that I can’t even dare to write down here in case someone figures out my identity… but anywho it just sucks cuz you look at your family members, specially the ones older to you, you look up to them, inspire to do good things because of them and respect them and when ur finally an adult yourself you find out how morally wrong they act… its kind of a sad feeling…
so yeah now u can get the gist why i wasnt feeling all “diwali-ish” (for the sake of a better word) But then I really didnt have a choice. My one friend R was pretty alone on Diwali and wanted me to come celebrate with her so I couldnt back down. And then I had a family dinner which I would be slaughtered if I said I didnt want to go for that. and with my cousin and her slipped disc I had to help her out and be there for her.
Diwali day was when I went to R’s place. I had a lot of work to do before going there so I ended up going evening time. We made rangoli on the front step and lit diyas. that part was fun. I had actually not done rangoli in years and last I remember I sucked at it, so it was nice to see I had a decent hang of it when I tried after so long. It turned out pretty cool if I say so myself. Here’s the pic of our rangolis. R’s are on the 2 sides and mine is the rectangle design in the middle.
After R did pooja we went over to their friends house to have dinner. Hot puris and cholay. omg it was heavenly.. really good. Then after dinner we did the traditional thing most people do on Diwali which is play cards. You’re actually supposed to gamble but I wasn’t comfortable gambling on a game I wasn’t really well acquainted with. We played a game called judgement and it turned out to be a lot of fun. The funniest thing was that the host G taught me the rules and how to play and he got 5 points at the end of all the rounds coming in last place whereas I got 85 points, coming in 3rd place. He couldn’t understand how I could do so well playing this game for the first time. it was funny. lol.. I knew the next day I would suffer if I didnt sleep. It was around 4am by then and I had the family diwali dinner to attend so I decided to catch some shut eye. It was I think the most uncomfortable sleep I had. Maybe it’s the idea of sleeping in someone else’s bed. I had come to their house the first time and they were really sweet and nice but still I would have rather slept in my own bed. hmmm
I was not talking to R’s boyfriend the whole time because we got into an argument earlier. I think he’s seriously retarded. I just don’t understand how can be so insensitive and rude. I’ve been telling him the last couple of times that I’ve visited him and R that I don’t like it when he brings up my ex. It’s been 6 months since I’ve broken up with him but he’ll always tell me how he bumped into him or saw him or will tell me to stop pretending that I don’t miss him. First couple of times I talked to him bout it I explained to him politely and calmly that I really find it annoying and hurtful when he does that and to please stop. This time I lost it and I started arguing with him. He honestly kept that bad vibe going between and him the whole time I spent diwali with him and R and that’s when I decided enough is enough. So a couple days ago I emailed him and told him how I don’t want him in my life anymore because he can’t understand what I tell him. It honestly is quite bugging because I don’t look on my ex as one of the best times of my life. I look on it as one of the worser times of my life. I felt dead back then. Broken is when it still hurts. Dead is when you’re beyond broken that you stop feeling the pain and u stop living.. You just submit to whatever befalls you. stop caring. stop feeling… But now I’m with someone who took all that out of my life. detoxified me and made me feel real and loved again. So you can understand why I feel so upset when someone brings up my ex and they won’t let it go… I hate it when people are stuck in the past. Its nice when you walk down memory lane. but cmon u cant live in memory lane!! hmmmm…
I had actually driven away this special person in my life and really hurt them by doing so it was a couple years ago and now I’ve finally got them back in my life again by some miracle and I feel perfect for the first time in my life. As all of you are living your lives I’m sure you must be knowing how difficult it is to feel perfect. It’s a very rare moment that you feel perfect. But I do. because of this person… And if everything works out we will get engaged soon.. he makes my life so different so real… so happy. and I could never let go of that again. I would be stupid to…
Anyways moving on…. in the morning I woke up and the whole diwali party went to Koregaon park to eat breakfast at german bakery. was so yummy. I was literally a zombie cuz I had a headache from lack of sleep and was still tired. I liked their eggs way better than Voheman’s cafe or however u spell it. That’s where they usually end up for breakfast and I just hate the bitter cheese they use.
I was a little vigilant cuz my bf told me his ex is always hanging out there and apparently she’s the kind to pick a fight and get all bitch momma on me. Then i realized i was just being silly cuz she doesnt know what I look like. loll.. hmmm.. I’m honestly not the kind to pick a fight. but I can stand my ground if I have to. lol..
Then after breakfast at german bakery, I went back to kondhwa with R and her bf and had a bath. After a bath, R promised me she would straighten my hair cuz none of the parlors are open on sunday. So she straightened it and it looked realllly really awesome and then I went all the way back to my cousin’s house and crashed there till it was time to get up and help set up the family Diwali dinner. I wore a pretty salwar kameez which was turquoise and made me look super slim…
and it looked awesome with my straight hair… and then people start oozing in… lol… yeah indian standard time they always come in late.. oozzing. lol… hmmmm… my cousin and i had an interesting time dealing with the couple of black sheep in our family… was pretty interesting… you know wut im talking bout those members in your family that gossip and try to make ur life as miserable as possible. lol… A lot of people performed for this dinner. my nephew performed “The Unforgiven” by Metallica on his bass guitar. It was his first performance on stage and hes 12 so it was super super amazing… I was so proud of him. Then some other relatives sang with synthesizer and guitar some Munkees (sp?) songs, others played the harmonica, my neice played piano, even I had the balls towards the ends to play something. It was really fun.. I think the Munkees songs they played were really good I’m considering downloading a few songs to see how they are. They reminded me a little of the Beatles.
The dinner was really good too. There was chicken biryani which was sinfully yummy and I also had jalebis. Jalebis are traditionally eaten hot with cold milk. But I like them hot with vanilla icecream!! You should try it out if you get the chance. But yeah the biryani and the jalebis, those were basically the two things that filled my plate. lol… Then a couple of cousins decided to go for coffee at midnight to this cafe nearby. It was fun… My niece and I had hot chocolate. Then we came back home and talked till 4 in the morning.
She was telling me how her ex bff stayed over the other night. and when she did she asked her how life was. Her bff answered “These days I’m really horny.” Can you imagine a 14 yr old girl answering that. My niece was so disgusted and shocked. She stopped hanging out with her bff after she started making fun of her for no reason, smoking, drinking and doing drugs..Apparently she’s bulimic too because she wants to be thin. I guess sex is next on this little girl’s agenda which is pretty sad. Both my niece and I agreed that she’s going to be one messed up girl. Her bff got suspended from school a couple months back for coming into school drunk and yelling at her teacher. Her bff asked my niece if she was still a virgin (my niece is 14 too.) my neice said sarcastically “yeah I lost my virginity 6 yrs ago.” and her bff took her seriously and was asking her yeah how was it? My niece almost laughed out loud at the fact that her bff took her seriously. she told me she’s never going to have her over for a sleepover again.
I feel bad for my neice that she had to deal with all this at such a young age, but I’m glad she doesn’t give in to peer pressure and she has a smart head on her shoulders. I’m really proud of her and how mature she is. She told me why should I rush to do all the things I’m not supposed to. If I do all of them now I have nothing to look forward to in life. Can you imagine that coming out of a 14 yr old girl’s mouth? I just love her for that. Anyways… as always I’m grateful for my family. Kind of makes me guilty for feeling lazy and not wanting to celebrate Diwali after reading someone’s blog about how they feel sad cuz they’re lonely on Diwali and dont have their family around to celebrate with. Happy Diwali to everyone… This light is turned off.
Currently listening to
Fake Plastic Trees
By Radiohead
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